Rehabilitation
by lovedrreid
Summary: Set in season 2. No slash. drug use. maybe self harm. Consists of reid's previous drug use, at least we think its previous. 12-18comp. Scenes from original version of rehab on chapter 17! I will not post that one tho. sorry. R
1. Chapter 1

Reid was astonished with pain jolting up and down his whole body. He wasn't sure if it was from the dissapointment from the team, more importantly, Gideon. He tried to move, he was just held down with Gideon's wrinkled, pale hands.

"Reid, you need to relax." Gideon said frowning in disapointment at the skinny, raggedy, man who used to be Reid. "Just relax and listen, we have a lot to talk about." Gideon motioned for the team to leave the room.

"Where am I?" Reid asked the stupidest question. He, of course being his fault, was in the hospital. "Nevermind, I know. P-please forgive me, I was weak." Reid said staring at the design of the ceiling.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, kiddo, I forgive you. What I want to talk about is how you feel." Gideon knew Reid felt sick. He was just trying to get it through Reid's thick skull before he'd try again.

"I feel like hell... let me explain something Gideon..." Reid waited for Gideon's permission to explain. Gideon waited a moment and shifted in his seat to start listening. "I know I've betrayed your trust about this many times before, and I've apologized, and made up excuses, and..." Reid didn't notice he was avoiding his point.

"What is it?" Gideon said shifting in his seat again. He was eager to hear what he needed to say that was so important that the rest of the team had to leave the room.

"I hid the phials, from you. I feel terrible about it. I had a major withdrawal and knew I shouldn't because I've already dissapointed you enough... but the urge to just hold the phials wasn't good enough. I didn't want to dissapoint you... or the rest of the team again so..." Reid didn't want to go on to the topic of his solution.

"So you tried to OD... to runaway by killing yourself?" Gideon was calm. He'd already knew the reason for attempting suicide. "You just lost a lot of trust... almost all of it. But you can earn it back, the trust I have in you may take vacations, but it never leaves forever, you know that. The same with everyone out there... even Morgan."

The name Morgan dissapointed Reid. Just to hear his name made Reid feel ashamed. A few days ago, Morgan had visited Reid during one of his episodes. Morgan tried to stop Reid from getting the phials... Reid pulled a gun on him. Luckily, Gideon got there in time to talk Reid into putting the gun down. Morgan was very ashamed of Reid and no longer trusted him.

"He'll never trust me again. Not once, not after pulling my gun on him. He doesn't understand." Reid had tears building up in his eyes.

"Besides that, you will be able to earn the trust you used to have back, after that, it should be easier to break your addiction." Gideon saw Reid's eyes avoiding his. "And, you'll be able to go back to work."

"I don't want to give up the drugs yet... not yet. P-please don't do that to me. I can't quit all at once, please don't make me quit cold-turkey. I promise I won't abuse the drugs ever again." Reid begged knowing he wouldn't like the answer Gideon was giving him just by his eyes.

"I'll think about it. But for now, think of it as a punishment for lying to me about not having any left." Gideon's eyes avoided contact with Reid's because Gideon was tearing up. He didn't like punishing Reid, but it had to be done, tough love had to be present to cure his soul of the cursing addiction.

Reid smiled and looked away. "Thanks Gideon... for your support, everything." Reid trailed off in his thoughts. "When am I getting out of here?"

"This afternoon." Gideon was looking at Reid's limp body, wondering if he'd be able to sit up without falling over.  
"I'm taking a month off work to stay with you... to help you through your addiction." Gideon finally said.

"Are you sure about taking that much time off? That's a whole month of babysitting me... are you sure you know what you're getting into?" Reid asked in surprise.

"Yes, I do know what I'm getting myself into. Withdrawals. But if you're going to get over this addiction, you're going to need a hand..." Gideon was thinking in his head about something important to Reid's recovery. "First when we get you home, we're going to eat. Then you are going to hand over all your phials and syringes..." Gideon knew Reid was going to interupt. "No ifs ands or buts... I mean it. Then we are going to have another long talk of what I expect of you during everything. Cravings, withdrawals, everything."

Reid could see the seriousness in Gideon's eyes and decided not to argue. Reid closed his eyes once more before he'd be leaving the hospital.

Reid woke up to a light in his eyes. A doctor was checking the dilation in his eyes. Reid flinched a few times and covered his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. Are you alright?" The doctor asked slightly giggling.

Reid looked around the room a few moments and noticed the whole team there, including Morgan, who wasn't looking at him. The doctor stopped checking his eyes and left him be. "Can I talk to Morgan alone for a minute?" Morgan didn't look up. "Please, let me talk to you Morgan." Morgan lifted his head in agreement. The rest of the team left.

"Morgan, I'm sorry for what I did. You were just trying to help. I hope I can earn your trust back... I hope I can earn everybody's trust back." Reid started getting uncomfortable, and his palms were shaking with sweat.

"It's alright, kid. And yes, you can earn my trust back... I hope you will be able to get this addiction by it's neck, kill it, and bury, no cremate it." Morgan smiled in a joking way.

"Yeah, but even profilers won't be able to catch it easy, not without the whole team." Reid joked back.

"See, I like this Reid... not the one always worrying about his next fix... I want this Reid I'm talking to to stay." Morgan stopped joking.

"Not exactly a simple task, but I do promise, I will become clean... and stay clean... I promise." Reid had a sincere look in his eyes. Morgan believed him although he didn't have much trust for Reid after a few days ago.

"I believe you are strong enough to do this... I believe in you." Morgan kept his eyes fixed on Reid when the door opened. It was Gideon.

"Everything alright in here?" He noticed everything was fine. "It's time to go Spencer." Gideon walked in and grabbed Reid's belongings.

Reid got out of the hospital bed and got dressed. He was glad he was going to finally get to leave the smell of the hospital. On the other hand, he knew what lie ahead on his journey to recovery, he was ready, but he'd already experienced the mild withdrawals before, and even those seemed to be unbearable... but it was something he was going to have to face one way or another, so why not now.

Reid walked, no limped out of the bathroom. "I feel like hell Gideon." Reid was holding his stomach. It was an early withdrawal symptom.

"That's the consequence of your actions. You made a choice without thinking of the consequences. Hopefully, you learned to think about your actions before you decide to go through with it or not." Gideon didn't like saying stuff like that to him. It nearly broke his heart to say things like the sort, but he knew he'd have to show tough love.

Reid started stumbling, but Morgan caught him and held him up. "Are you alright?" Morgan asked in an odd tone. Morgan knew the answer was no, he wasn't alright at all. He was the exact opposite.

Reid caught his balance and let go of Morgan. Reid and Gideon walked out of the hospital to the car saying goodbyes and good lucks. The ride to Reid's house was unbearably quiet. Reid was the first to break the silence. "So... Gideon... what are we going to do about my withdrawals?" Reid was nervous to ask the question.

"We'll deal with that question when the time comes, why, do you feel a craving?" Gideon asked worried about the answer.

"Well not completely. I just want to know what it's going to be like with you there when the time comes. I'm more scared than anything... about the withdrawals... about failing... giving up again." There was a worry in Reid's voice that worried Gideon.

"I'm going to be here for you, Spencer. Don't worry about that, just worry about how you are going to react to what I have to talk to you about later." Gideon didn't exactly know what he'd meant about that.

Reid didn't say anything for a few minutes. He just wondered through his thoughts always leading up to only one thing, the withdrawals. Reid was terrified... worse than terrified, so scared, there isn't a word for it.

"Gideon..." Reid tried to pull the right words out of his mouth. "I'm terrified... of the withdrawals somewhat, but I'm mostly terrified of failing you... everybody." Reid looked back out the window.

"Reid, we'll talk about that later, right now, just relax until we get home." GIdeon didn't know what kind of advice to give him. Gideon didn't seem terrified about helping Reid... he was scared of failing him. He was as terrified as Reid.

Gideon softly pulled to a stop in front of the apartment complex. Reid didn't move. Gideon tapped on Reid's shoulder but he didn't answer. Gideon moved him away from the window and he was awake.

"Oh no, not now." Gideon knew just as well as Reid that he was going through withdrawal. "Spencer, please just get out and go inside. We'll get through this one together. Reid didn't move. Reid started to cry.

"G-Gideon..." The words were forced out. "I can't do this, I can't... I need them... please. Just this once." Reid already knew the answer but he still begged like a hungry ally puppy.

"You know I can't do that... now we can get through this together, but you're going to have to cooperate." Reid didn't move. "Reid, you have till the count of three to get movin or you will have to deal with the consequences... remember Reid, we talked about this." Reid still didn't move. "One... two..." Reid got out of the car angrily. Gideon got out and walked around to him. "Now don't you feel better?"

"No... the only thing that will make me feel better is what I can't have." Reid rolled his eyes. Reid was annoyed and wished he could just get inside and go to his bathroom to what he wanted.

"You are seriously pushing it Spencer." Gideon said with an aching heart that he knew he'd have to do and say that stuff a lot. He didn't know how much longer he could take talking to Spencer like that... even if it was for the best.

"I don't care at this point... you know the only thing I care about at this point. But noooooo! I can't have it!" Reid was getting an attitude without even realizing it.

"Reid, calm down, please. I don't like to punish you. I really don't." Gideon tried his hardest to stay calm but he started shaking under pressure.

"I don't care." Reid repeated. "I'm going inside and I'm going to do something that you won't like... don't like it? Too bad, I don't care anymore." Reid wasn't angry but defiant at this point.

"You don't want to do that. You know either way I won't let you do that. As soon as you take out that phial and syringe, it's gone, it's long gone... forever." Gideon had seriousness in his eyes. He knew Reid wouldn't use right in front of him.

"Why does it matter? It's gone either way... you said earlier that I was going to give the phials to you. I don't see why it matters now." Reid was confused and frustrated.

"If you're forgetting, I said I was going to think about letting you stop step-by-step, not cold-turkey." Gideon had a point. He knew Reid wouldn't argue with the possibility.

"I just want to get this over with. Right now. I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling period. Right now, I feel like tearing down the empire state building." Reid wasn't joking. He had his fists clenched and he was gritting his teeth so he wouldn't have an outburst at Gideon. Reid was in pain, mostly because of withdrawal, but some of the pain was because of the agony of disappointment and failure.

"It will be over, maybe not as soon as you want, maybe it won't happen for a long time, but that all depends on how you deal with it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Gideon was surprisingly calm.

Reid sat down and started occupying himself by tossing rocks. "Yeah, I get everything you're saying, but it's not exactly a sugar coated fix, it's going to be painful, I'm going to have days where I wish I could just curl up into a ball and die. Do you understand that." Reid looked up waiting for an answer.

"I do but I don't. I understand what you're trying to get me to comprehend but I don't know how it feels. All I know is that you are strong enough to overcome this. And hopefully, you will." Gideon was gazing at Reid who was staring at the sun high in the sky.

"We should go inside, I'm hungry." Reid changed the subject. Gideon knew he changed the subject intentionally... so they didn't get talking about where the phials were. They walked inside.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: LOSING CONTROL

Gideon looked at Reid in a different way. "Before I make anything to eat... I think you know what I want you to do." Gideon put out his hand looked at the expression on Reid's face, which was saying 'damnit'. Reid hesitated at first, but walked to his room and brought back one phial. Gideon made a look on his face saying 'c'mon, how stupid do you think I am'.

"What, that's all I... I'll be back.'' Reid finally stopped arguing and got three more phials along with the syringes. "Happy?" Reid asked with a tone of annoyance and attitude.

"I won't be happy until you get over your addiction... before that'll happen, you have to admit it to yourself." Gideon recited the first step to the 12-step program that NA groups talked about frequently.

"You're not an NA advisor Gideon, nor am I going to a single NA meeting." Reid joked hoping it wouldn't give Gideon an idea to send him to a meeting or two.

"Never said I was now did I... not my fault the steps make sense." Gideon joked back. He finished making the food and brought Reid a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn.

"Thanks Gideon. It smells great." Reid didn't really have an apetite, probably due to the upcoming withdrawal wave coming. Reid played with his fork for a few minutes.

"Aren't you hungry?" Gideon finally said with a worried look on his face. "Withdrawal?" Gideon already knew the answer. "You know, it's alright to have cravings. It's not a bad thing as long as you learn to control it." Gideon looked at Reid's pale face.

"I can't control it... you know what I want. Please, just this once, please... don't make me quit cold turkey." Reid begged knowing the answer was no.

"You know I won't do that... I can't do that." Gideon shifted in the chair. "Reid, I don't know what to do, but I will in time... right now, you need to explain to me what you need..." Gideon saw the expression on Reid's face. "Without drugs." Gideon added.

"I need to go to the bathroom, yanno, I'm about to be sick." Reid hurried to the bathroom.

Gideon couldn't help feeling that Reid was using that exact minute.'No, I have to show I have trust in him'. Gideon finally decided to stay put and trust Reid. Reid walked out of the bathroom twenty minutes later. He looked like hell. "Are you alright?" Gideon knew the answer, which was, how do you think I feel?!

"I'll be fine eventually, not now though." Reid curled up in a blanket and shivered. "I can do this, it's just so hard, and this is just the beginning. I can't imagine the real thing." Reid was horrified of the thought.

"Don't think about that right now. It'll only discourage you to stop, you don't want that, do you?" Gideon was feeling sick as well. Mostly because he didn't like making Reid quit cold turkey.

"I don't like this plan... I don't want to quit cold turkey, please don't make me, please Gideon." Reid begged again but this time with a tear in his eye.

Gideon turned his head afraid of crying. "I can't Spencer... that was already decided as your punishment... you abused the drugs and nearly got yourself killed... there are consequences. I'm sorry Spencer, you should have thought of that when you overdosed." Gideon kept his head down knowing Reid had to of been crying. He looked up.

"I understand... I deserve this punishment... I won't ask you again." Reid was surprisingly calm without tears in his eyes. It made Gideon feel better that he didn't break down crying, but he still felt sick to the stomach.

"Spencer, we still need to have that talk I mentioned earlier." Gideon lifted his head up.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" Reid was curious. He had no clue what-so-ever to what Gideon wanted to talk about.

Gideon struggled for words. "It's about trust..." Reid didn't say anything, he just shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "You know, if you still had... drugs... you'd tell me, wouldn't you?" Gideon hoped he'd picked the right words.

"Of course Gideon. Why wouldn't I?" Reid was very uncomfortable about the topic. Reid started sweating.

"I'm just asking... I want to test how well I can trust you." Gideon knew he'd successfully chosen the words, he got Reid's attention.

"Test? What are you going at?" Reid didn't like the idea, whatever it was, to be tested.

"I can't tell you, then you'd know what to expect. I want to know if I can trust you to deal with sudden things the right way. You will know when I'm testing you. Do you agree to the test?" Gideon crossed his fingers.

"I guess, just promise... if I fail, don't get angry, please don't get angry, or dissapointed." Reid worried about failing all the time. Now he was going to be tested, either pass, or fail.

"I promise, I just have to see if I can trust your ability to say no to drugs." Gideon hoped Reid wouldn't fail, or have a difficult time refusing the drugs.

They both went quiet for an hour or so. "I'm going to take a shower, yanno, clean up a little." Reid finally said uncomfortably. Reid walked down the hall to the bathroom.

'This would be a great time to test him... I could leave a phial on his bed and if he doesn't give it to me, I know I can't quite trust him yet, that's what I'll do.' Gideon thought. Gideon followed through with his plan and waited.

Reid was in the bathroom looking in the mirror. 'What is the test. I know even if I do know what it is, I'll fail... just calm down and I can get through this.' Reid thought as the steam built up on the mirror. After he got out of the shower and got a towel, he walked to his room to get dressed. His eyes widened in horror to what was sitting on his bed.

Gideon was thinking about the test. 'Was this a good idea... what if it was a bad choice to do that to him too soon?' Gideon didn't notice it was too late to go back and grab the phials.

Reid stared at the phials on his bed. 'No, I can't loose Gideon's trust... I can't.' Reid got dressed still thinking about the phials right in his reach. 'Maybe one small dose, I don't think Gideon would notice.' Reid took 1/2 cc. "Gideon, I think these belong to you, now they do." Reid closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the drugs leave again.

Gideon took them and put them in his pocket. "I'm glad I can trust you... I'm proud of you, I really am." Gideon had a trusting smile on his face, which made Reid feel guilty.

"I'm going to bed... I'm tired." Reid said with a fake yawn after a moment of silence. Reid walked to his room.

Gideon took out the phials and noticed one of them wasn't as full as the others. He had a dissapointed look on his face. 'Wait until tomorrow... no need for this tonight.' Gideon went to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

The next morning, Reid woke up early, but Gideon was up earlier. "Morning Gideon." Reid noticed the dissapointed look on his face.

Gideon took out the phial that was used. "Can you explain to me something?" Gideon saw the look on Reid's face and nearly started crying. Gideon tried to stay tough. "Why isn't this one as full as the rest?" Gideon took out the other phials.

"Gideon-... I'm... I'm so sorry, I am." Reid saw in Gideon's eyes that he was in trouble for making a stupid decision.

"Reid, I'm sorry... we've already talked about consequences..." Gideon noticed Reid was tearing up. "I think you already know that I'm going to have to punish you. I told you I hate doing that..."Gideon took all the phials to the sink and poured them all down the drain. "Now I won't think about stopping your addiction step by step... now you're going to stop cold turkey."

Reid didn't say anything. He just started walking to his bedroom.

"Reid, we still have a long talk ahead of us, come here for a little bit." Gideon calmed down forgetting about what Reid did.

Reid walked to the chair across from Gideon. "What do we need to talk about? I promise I won't abuse drugs again. I just don't want to talk about it right now.'' Reid was in a hurry to go back to his bedroom.

"Hold on... you know I have to tell Hotch about what you did... hold on don't say anything. Now, about your cravings. When you have cravings, it's alright to tell me. Don't think begging me to get you drugs is going to work so don't try it. When you're having withdrawals, you're going to have to deal with it. It's a part of stopping your addiction." Gideon didn't like the way the last words sounded.

"I understand. I really am sorry, can you please forgive me?" Reid was staring at the floor.

"I forgive you, but I don't trust you. I hoped you would make the right decision last night."

Reid looked at the ground ashamed of his choice. "Gideon, I just want this to end right now... I want to stop my addiction from taking my friends, family, and life."

"It will end." Gideon grabbed Reid's shoulders and looked into his eyes. "It will... I promise, this nightmare will be over soon. I promise." Gideon let go of Reid after a moment of silence. "When it's time for the team to go to the BAU, I'll call Hotch to tell him about last night."

"I understand Gideon. I was being stupid. I hope I can earn your trust back." Reid was getting nervous about Hotch knowing what he did last night.

"I know you can earn my trust back. I know you're strong enough. If you were strong enough to deal with Raphael and Charles, you can deal with this addiction." Gideon hoped what he said wouldn't cause Reid to have a flashback.

"That's wierd... the reason I got through the torture, was the drugs. So I don't know if I'm strong enough to go without the drugs."

"I still know you're strong. No matter how weak people say you are, you're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know."

"Can we go see the rest of the team. Yanno, say hi." Reid asked knowing the chances were slim.

Gideon thought for a minute. "I guess. Not for long though. They probably have a lot of work to do."

BAU:

"Gideon? Reid?" Morgan walked up to them. "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting." Gideon looked at Reid. "And..."

Reid hesitated at first. "And to tell Hotch something."

"What do you need to tell him?" Morgan wasn't smiling anymore.

Reid didn't answer. "To tell Hotch he used... I'll explain in detail later." Gideon answered for him. Morgan looked at Reid in a dissapointed manner.

Hotch walked up to them in a confused way. "What are you two doing here?"

"We wanted to visit. Reid wanted to say something." Gideon looked at Reid in a way saying 'tell him. Go ahead and tell him'.

"I-Gideon tested me.'' He looked at Gideon. "He put phials on my bed... I failed.'' Reid stopped for a moment. "I used."

Hotch looked at Reid disappointed. "I'm dissapointed, but I'm not angry."

"Can we go now Gideon. I don't feel so well." Reid had a pale face and looked ashamed of himself. "Please."

"I guess if you want to. I know what you mean by 'not feeling so well'." Gideon waved bye to Hotch and Morgan then guided Reid out while he was clutching onto his stomach.

Once they were outside, Reid collapsed on the ground. Gideon sat down next to him. "Spencer, let's at least get you home." He didn't have any luck, Reid stayed in the same position. Gideon lifted him up and carried him to the car almost stumbling. For the entire ride back to Reid's house, he was either asleep or passed out. They pulled into the driveway. "Reid, wake up. We're home." Gideon didn't have luck. Gideon lifted Reid up again and carried him inside to him room. 


	4. Chapter 4

Reid woke up a few hours later. 'How did I get here'? Reid thought. Gideon was there in his room. "Gideon, how did I get here?" Reid looked confused. The last thing he remembered was being outside the BAU, next, he was in his bed.

"I carried you. You've lost a lot of weight. You need to eat, let me go make something for lunch.'' Gideon left the room.

Reid sat still on his bed wobbling. His head was pounding in the same rhythm as his heart. He was sweating, but he wasn't hot at all. He immediately thought of phials... phials filled with a small amount of a substance that would take all the pain away. Now he didn't have any, but that's a good thing. Now if he had cravings, he'd have no other option but to ride it out.

Gideon walked into Reid's room and noticed he was staring blankly while he was trying to get himself balanced. "Spencer, lunch is done..." Gideon noticed Reid staring blankly and soon realized he hadn't heard a word he said. "Spencer...'' No answer. He walked to Reid and helped him up.

"Please, j-just leave m-me alone." Reid had a line of shivers in his voice, yet he was sweating enough to cover the bed wet. "Please leave me a while... just let me ride it out on my own, please." Reid forced himself out of Gideon's arms.

"Okay, but I'm coming back for you in about half an hour so be ready to get up and eat." Gideon patted his shoulder lightly and hesitantly left not looking back at Spencer's shivering, sweaty body.

Reid lay in bed with one thing on his mind, phials. One second he was disgusted with how they ruined his life, the other, he desperately either wanted... or needed them. He finally decided to get over it and stumble out of bed and do something with his once useful life.

"Spencer, you finally decided to come out... would you like some coffee, or food, or both?" Gideon looked at him as if nothing had happened in the last week.

"No, just some coffee. Not that hungry yet." Reid sat down across from Gideon and looked at the floor. Gideon stood up and walked to the kitchen. He walked back with a big mug of hot coffee. Reid took it and mouthed a 'thank you'.

"Spencer, I do think you need to eat something, you are loosing weight... a lot of weight. I'll go get you some food." Gideon stood up.

"Gideon, I'm fine. I'm just not hungry yet. I'll eat in a little while, I promise." Reid said nervously. Reid noticed Gideon wasn't suggesting him to eat, but making him like a father would to his five-year old son.

"I mean it Spencer, you need to eat something... please just eat a little. I don't want you to have an unhealthy recovery." Gideon said in a begging voice that was somehow demanding.

"Gideon, I said I'm fine!" Reid was getting annoyed. "Why do you keep acting like I'm a kid?! Just treat me like an adult, I am not a kid." Reid calmed down somewhat in a pleading voice.

Gideon sat down and got comfortable. Reid profiled Gideon well and knew that they were going to have a long and uncomfortable talk. Reid got comfortable too. "Spencer, I know you don't want me to treat you like a child. I don't want to either, but it seems like a good place to start earning trust, don't you think so?"

"I guess it makes sense, but you can't get me to eat or whatever whenever you tell me to. I'm an adult..." Reid was getting somewhat annoyed. He hated it when he was right about things like this.

"So Spencer, I really want you to try to eat something. Please just try." Gideon handed him a plate of pancakes and maple syrup.

Reid sat the plate down and shifted in his chair and crossed his arms in a defiant way. "I told you I'm not hungry Gideon." Reid was trying to hide the anger in his voice, but it wasn't working and Gideon noticed it.

"Spencer... please stop. Don't make me..." Gideon was interupted.

"Don't make you what?! You won't do anything! You can't do anything because you couldn't hurt a fly, even worse for you, you can't make me cry. You don't want to do that. It'd hurt your own feelings more than mine. I'm a profiler too!"

"Reid! ...I think you should go to your room!" Gideon called him by his last name when he was angry or upset with him. He didn't get a reply in words. Just body language. He sat back and crossed his arms in a defiant way again and closed his eyes.

"Spencer, I mean it. You need to go to your room now!" This time he got a reply.

"Oh, you're going to send me to my room! Like a child. Yeah like I'm going to cry now. Boo hoo, Gideon sent me to my room. I'm going to cry over it!" Spencer walked to his room and slammed it shut. Gideon sat there for a moment about to cry but he knew he was going to have to get over because that would be happening a lot.

He thought he should check on Spencer in about an hour and talk to him.

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. It should be getting more interesting. Let's have a vote, shall we? If you want a background case, I promise it wont turn into one though. Just in the background. Reviews are encouraged. (*_*) 


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5:

In about an hour, Gideon thought Reid would be asleep, but he still checked up on him. When he walked in, he was surprised to see Reid up and sitting on his bed playing with his fingers. Gideon noticed he had fresh tear marks on his face and he looked like he'd been crying his eyes out. It made Gideon want to cry too.

Reid slightly smiled quickly at Gideon without looking into his eyes. He kept his eyes on his fingers, which were starting to sweat. "Hi Gideon.'' His voice was crackled and weak. Probably from crying is what Gideon thought and it made Gideon want to cry even more, but he had to show tough love and you can't do that with breaking down from crying.

"Hi, are you still angry?" Gideon didn't know what to say.

"N-no, not r-really." Reid was breathing heavily from crying.

Gideon noticed his breathing and hugged him. "Sssshhh. Spencer, it's alright. Calm down." Reid was crying again. "Spencer, you know I had to do what I did. You know that, right?"

"I underst-stand G-Gideon. I-I'm s-s-sorry." Reid was bawling. Gideon hugged him tighter.

"I think we should go somewhere today. Maybe go eat, then go for a walk and talk. How does that sound to you?" Gideon was wiping Reid's sweaty hair out of his face. His eyes were watering and it was easy to tell he was fighting tears.

"I guess, but I don't want to be gone long." Reid was sweaty and tears were dripping off his face.

"Okay, get ready to go. It's already dinner time. I want to get out of here in about an hour or so." Gideon left the room to let Spencer take a shower and get dressed.

Reid was ready to go in about half an hour. They left and went to a diner. Reid didn't eat much, like usual. Gideon didn't eat as much as he usually did either. "Spencer... you should eat some more. Please." Reid was staring at his plate and playing with his food. He didn't reply. "Spencer." Gideon said a little bit louder.

"Huh? What? What is it?" Reid looked surprised.

"I said you should eat some more." Gideon looked at Reid's eyes. Reid looked back at his plate ignoring Gideon. "Please Spencer, just eat some more." Reid gave up silently arguing and took a few more bites of his food.

After a while of silence, they left and decided to take a walk in the park for the rest of the afternoon. "So, Spencer... how are you feeling?" Gideon broke the silence like always.

"Do you really have to ask that?" Reid was smiling on the outside, but not on the inside. He was trying to hide the fact that he wanted one of two things, phials, which he couldn't have in a million years, or death, but that was not an option. That was for people who hated their lives completely. Reid didn't hate his completely. He loves his friends, or family, so-to-say.

"Just wondering if we have to leave anytime soon. You know, for your withdrawal waves kickin' ya in the butt." Gideon said with a slight smile in a joking way.

"Oh, no, I don't think so. That's what's so wierd. I actually feel alright compared to what I should."

"Well, feeling good isn't a bad thing is it?" Gideon gave him a sideways look and grinned.

"No, but I think I should feel like crap. Yanno, withdrawal should be... I don't know, terrible. I've already gotten a taste of it about a week and a half ago and I don't feel that way now. It's really wierd, but I'm happy about it." Reid gave Gideon a smile back.

"Well I'm glad you feel... wait, you said you've already gotten a taste?" Gideon's smile dissapeared. Reid looked at him in an akward way.

"Yeah, why does it matter?" Reid wos confused why it was so important.

"Because we were on a case and none of us noticed your withdrawal?" Gideon was as confused as Reid.

"I guess you didn't. This is getting wierd and I don't like it Gideon. Did I pass out a while and think it was a week ago? That would explain why you guys didn't notice." Reid had thoughts drifting through his mind.

"What are you talking about?" Gideon was still confused.

"Okay, the team noticed my withdrawal about two weeks ago if I did pass out, but to me right now, it was a week ago, so you did really notice it. But I did pass out. I missed a whole week. Wait, then how did I miss work without anybody noticing?" Reid was starting to get scared.

"You called in sick, don't you remember?" Gideon was scared as well. "Why don't you remember?''

Reid shook his head. "I don't know. But you should probably call Hotch." Gideon nodded and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed the numbers and got a fast answer.

Gideon explained what seemed to have happened. "Yeah, ok, I will." Gideon nodded a few times. "Yeah...okay, I'll do that too. Bye."

"What'd he say we should do?" Reid was anxious for what Hotch said.

"First, he wants us to go to the BAU in the morning and try to sort this out with as minimal wierdness as we can get. Then, if we have to, you'll have to go to a hypno therapist... oh, and Hotch and the team said good luck with your recovery."

Reid rolled his eyes and smiled. "I hope this isn't anymore complex than passing out."

"We should go and get some sleep." They walked back to the SUV and drove away quickly.

(*_*) (*_*) (*_*)

a/n: I may be letting Reid's absence for that 'week' he was gone for a while to get the angst out of my system. If you think I should still turn it out to be something in the background (Not a casefic), tell me. Plz R&R!

And sorry for the short chapter. I may be working overtime the next few weeks to make them longer! ;-) 


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6:

NEXT MORNING:

"How do you feel today, Spencer?" Gideon was still getting ready to go to the BAU.

"I feel worse than yesterday, but it's not that bad. I just have a small headache." Reid was just waking up and trying to find mismatched socks rather than matched socks.

"Maybe you should take an advil." Gideon was looking for a tie in his bag.

"Gideon, I haven't gotten you know what out of my system yanno. I know it probably won't do anything but I don't want to take that chance.''

"Oh, I almost forgot. It seems like it was just a bad nightmare." Gideon was suddenly slightly sad.

"Gideon, I promise, I'll get and stay clean eventually." Reid coughed slightly. "Right now, we need to worry about what happened to me in the last week."

Gideon didn't answer. He just sighed and grabbed his keys off of the hook by the door. Reid followed him out the door. The ride was silent half way to Quantico. Reid decided it was too akward that silent and thought of small talk so they both wouldn't be thinking about what had happened the last month. "Gideon, maybe we should stop somewhere to eat." Reid didn't feel like eating, but he didn't want to go have a psych eval. done even more. He knew there was no point in an evaluation, but Hotch wants one done.

"You have your apetite back?" Gideon looked at Reid surprised and could somehow read his mind. "Oh, you're stalling us because of the evaluation. As long as you promise to not cheat... and actually eat, I guess we can stop for about an hour, but Hotch is expecting us soon.

"I promise Gideon. I'm just thinking, I'm afraid of the outcome of the evaluation. I'm not going to cheat out of fear, I just know I'm going to have to go through hypno. therapy. I'm afraid of what I do remember happened deep in my head. I just hope in a way I passed out." Gideon looked at Reid wierd.

"What do you think happened?" Gideon knew he couldn't remember but still wondered what he thought had happened. Reid looked frightened.

"I'm afraid I was drugged again during that time. You know when I was held captive by... Tobias." Reid flinched at the name and Gideon noticed. "But unconscious. That's what I think what happened." Reid was hiding something and gideon noticed that too.

"Are you hiding something Spencer?" Reid couldn't lie to Gideon again. "Yes, I remember calling in sick, but..." Reid didn't want to finish the sentence.

"What is it? You need to tell me, you can tell me." Gideon was pulling into a restaurant parking lot.

"I wasn't sick, I was... buying..." Gideon gave Reid a dissapointed look but quickly wiped it away. "I'm sorry." Reid mumbled, looking down.

"Spencer, I'm not mad at you. We're not going to get all worked up over that, okay. But it might have something to do with why you can't remember a whole week." Gideon patted Reid's shoulder as they got out and walked into the restaurant.

(=*_*=) (=*_*=) (=*_*=)

BAU:

As Gideon and Reid walked in, they all were smiling hello's, except for Hotch, who had expressions of anger, worry, nervousness, and somewhat of nothing. Reid figured Hotch hadn't told the rest of the team yet. Hotch walked over to them and motioned for them to go to his office. Every once in a while, Hotch would glance at Reid only to see his eyes look down. Hotch couldn't profile as nervous as he was to tell if Reid was hiding something, or was as clueless as Hotch was.

"Reid, we should get started... all I'm going to do is ask you some questions. Please do not lie." Hotch started one question when Gideon interupted.

"First, Reid was lying about something when he was... wherever he was... that week." Gideon looked at Reid, who looked down ashamed of lying to everyone about being sick. Hotch looked at Reid, silently profiling him.

"Hotch," Reid lifted his head, but didn't make eye contact. "I wasn't sick... I was..." Reid looked at Gideon for support. Gideon just looked at him waiting for him to continue. It's his job to tell Hotch, not mine, Gideon thought. "I was buying... drugs, but after I did, I-I remember feeling like somebody was watching me."

Hotch didn't know what to say. "Go on." Hotch felt they were getting somewhere. Reid shifted in his chair and was thinking.

"I remember people... talking to me, they were a few years older than me, I think. I tried to ignore them..." Reid thought for a moment. "They, they hit me in the head, I think they put me in a fairly large van, then, everything went black. I can't remember anything else."

Hotch and Gideon looked shocked. Hotch walked out of his office with Gideon quickly and told Reid to stay there. Hotch rounded up the team to the conference room. They were all shocked because it was JJ who decided there next case. They immediately knew it was about Reid, being the reason he was the only one not there. They followed Hotch into the conference room.

"What happened? Why is Reid here? Is this about..." The questions were flying across the room and quieted when Hotch looked at them in a way saying 'shut up and you'll know'!

Hotch explained what Reid said and all they know. They all looked at Hotch increduously. "I want all of you to go work on a profile of 'why' they would take him, then just take him home. I know this is wierd, and I know you guys want to talk about it to the world, but if strauss finds out, who knows what she'll do with the opportunity to get us all fired." They all nodded their heads and walked out quietly.

Hotch turned to Gideon. "I guess Reid is going to have to go through hypno." Hotch sighed. "We should go check up on him and tell him. Gideon nodded and followed Hotch into his office.

Hotch opened the door. Reid jumped at the door opening. Hotch and Gideon were surprised to see Reid had been sulking for a long time. "Reid, are you alright?" Gideon walked over to Reid and pulled a chair up next to him. "What is it?'' Gideon didn't know if it was withdrawal, or fear, or both.

"Can I talk to Gideon alone, Hotch. Please?" Hotch looked at Gideon then back at Reid and nodded then left. "Gideon..." Reid put his face in his hands and started to cry again.

Gideon pulled Reid's hands away from him. "What is it, Spencer?" Reid sat back up and wiped his eyes and coughed slightly.

"Gideon... I..." Reid reached into his pocket and pulled out a phial. Gideon shut his eyes in dissapointment. Gideon opened his eyes and took the phial, but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry." Reid was hiding something else too and Gideon noticed it.

"What else did you want to say. I know you are hiding something. You know you can tell me." Gideon was clueless of what Reid was hiding.

"I don't want to tell you. Please, I don't want to talk about it." Reid started sulking again.

"Spencer, tell me what it is..." Reid didn't answer. "Three... two... one. Spencer, I'm going to get Hotch now. Stay here." Gideon walked out of the office and brought back a slightly angry Hotch.

"Reid, tell us what you are hiding." Reid still didn't answer. He stared blanly at his shoes. "Just tell us what it is... now!" Reid looked up in an angry way.

"You really want to know?! Fine, I'll show you!" Reid pulled his sleeves up and Hotch and Gideon gasped at the pattern on Reid's arms. They were somewhat fresh cuts. "There, now you know!"

Hotch and Gideon were silent for a few moments. They didn't know what to say. "I'll be back in a minute. Gideon, would you like to come with me for a minute. Reid stay. here!" Hotch walked out with Gideon, who glanced at him with a tear in his eyes. Hotch came back with a bottle of peroxide and ointment. Reid's eyes grew larger knowing what Hotch was about to do.

"No, Hotch. Please don't. Please." Reid said quietly. "Please Hotch don't." Reid got louder.

"You're going to have to beg to Gideon. It was his idea as your punishment." Hotch grabbed a small towel and opened the peroxide. Reid looked at Gideon.

"Please, Gideon. Please don't let him." Gideon closed his eyes so he didn't have to watch. Hotch grabbed Reid's arms. Reid tried to pull his arms away, but Hotch had him by his cuts and it hurt to just try to pull. Hotch poured the peroxide on Reid's cuts. He winced at the burning, stinging pain from the peroxide. Hotch put the ointment on his arms and wiped the rest of the peroxide off. Reid crossed his arms once they were freed.

"Spencer, I'm sorry. You know that there are consequences. I think we should go, Hotch. I have a lot to talk to Spencer about." Reid didn't make eye contact. Hotch looked at Reid, then at Gideon.

"Alright, we can do the hypno. tomorrow." Hotch looked back at Reid, who hadn't changed his position.

"Spencer, let's go. Maybe we could stop and get something to eat." Reid nodded and left the room without saying another word to Hotch.

A/N: I KNOW SOME OF THIS STUFF MAY MAKE SOME PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE. IF ANY OF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS, I WILL NOT BE WRITING SELF MUTILATION ANYMORE AS IT MAY SOMEHOW OFFEND AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU WHO IT DOES OFFEND, WOULD REVIEW TO JUST TELL ME. I FOLLOW THE PLOT IN MY READERS' INTERESTS AND COMFORTS. 


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7:

Once they got home after a great meal at an italian restaurant, they didn't talk much about what Reid revealed earlier. Gideon figured it wouldn't get them anywhere.

"Spencer, I need to talk to you." Gideon said after talking on the phone for nearly twenty minutes. Reid thought it was about what happened at the BAU earlier. Reid sat down opposite of Gideon in the dining room. "In about a week, I'm... I'm going to have to leave..." Reid interupted Gideon's sentence.

"What do you mean 'leave'? You're not moving are you?" Reid was somewhat nervous.

"No... no, just for about a month. I was talking to one of the professors at the university of Colorado, and they want me to fill in for just a month." Gideon noticed the confusion and sadness in Reid's eyes. "Don't worry, you won't do this alone. I'm sure Hotch will fill in for me." Reid's expression nearly grew into tears.

"But I don't want him to help me... I want you to." Reid had a pool of tears in his eyes, Gideon did too.

"I know that, but you'll be fine. I trust you. Those three words are what you need to beat your addiction. I'm not as happy with this as you are, but I'm sure you can do it. When I get back, I want to see improvements."

"I'm not going to be able to improve without you. Sure I have my family, but I won't have a father figure." Reid started to let the tears stream down his face.

"Yes, you can. Do not ever say that you can't." Gideon grabbed Reid's shoulders. "I know you can." Reid jerked his arms away.

"Without you here... I don't know what'll happen. I couldn't even do it with you here. That's why I haven't been going through withdrawal, because I can't stop." Reid started getting anger in his voice.

"Spencer, please calm down." Gideon knew the night wouldn't end well.

"No, I just want it to end. Now I can't even hope. The only person that's like a father to me is leaving at the worst time of my life. How do you expect me to deal with that?!" Reid was yelling.

"Reid." Reid looked at Gideon, shocked that he called him by his last name. "You need to go to your room and cool down." Reid gave Gideon another look. "Now!" Gideon tried to keep his voice calm. Reid went to his room. Gideon was expecting him to slam the door again, but he didn't, he just quietly closed it. Gideon heard sobs but decided he can calm down himself this time.

About an hour later, Gideon decided to check on Spencer. He walked into his room, but he was asleep. "Spencer..." No reply. "Spencer." A little bit louder. Gideon walked to Reid's bed and noticed a vial on the bed next to him. "No... no, no no, no" Gideon looked dissapointed. "I can't do anything now, but when you're up, I don't know." Gideon decided to just wait until he was awake, which wouldn't be long if he didn't take too much.

Reid woke up half an hour later and noticed the vial still next to him. He quickly put it in his drawer, along with the syring and torniquet. He turned to the door, which was open slightly. He had the feeling Gideon knew he used. He walked into the livingroom.

"Hi Gideon, I'm sorry... for what I said earlier. I really didn't mean it. I'm just... I'm sorry." Reid finally concluded.

"It's alright... sit... I need to talk to you." Reid hesitantly sat across from Gideon. "I don't know how to put this... I don't believe you've given me all the vials... I know you didn't. I would appreciate it if you'd bring me all you have." Gideon had a tear in his eye.

Reid nodded. His face went more pale, if it was possible. He came back with two vials. "I really am sorry this time... " Reid noticed his continuous apologies.

"I think you should go back to bed. Get some sleep." Reid nodded and walked back to his room but didn't go to sleep.

The next morning, Reid was in a happier mood. "Spencer, since you're in such a good mood today, I think I'll go with the rest of the team to help with a case in D.C. If you think you can stay here by yourself." Reid looked up from his breakfast smiling.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I think I'm just going to write my letter to my mom. I haven't been lately, I guess I just need to get back into routine again. After that, I'm going to read my books." Reid took another big bite. Gideon knew the only reason he was happy is because he took drugs the night before.

"Okay, then I have to leave in about half an hour." Gideon put his plate in the sink and went down the hall towards the bathroom. 25 minutes later, Gideon left.

"Finally, I'm alone. Don't ever leave an addict alone!" Reid said to himself. He walked into his room and took a vial and syringe out of his drawer. "Tonight, don't want to waste you."

A/N: Wow, I proof read this and noticed it was very short. Just for my screw up in making it miserabley short, I will update tomorrow. I hope this chapter didn't upset too many of you. 


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8:

A/N: I will be putting the whole deal with Reid being gone for a week thing on hold seeing as I wrote ahead to chapter 13 (have to proofread before posting) i wrote from this chapter to chapter 13 in one day, and it was a bad day for me, so I had to write a lot of hurt/comforty stuff. Jeez, I can barely remember what had just happened last chapter. Oh and, I don't know if Gideon will be leaving. I'm not positive.

About half an hour before Gideon was supposed to be back, Reid took out his Dilaudid, syringe, and torniquet. He withdrew 1 whole cc. and injected himself with the cool liquid that made everything fade away.

Gideon was back ten minutes early, by that time, Reid was already back up from passing out and really high. "Spencer... what did you do..." Reid stumbled to Gideon. Gideon caught Reid and stood him back up.

"What? I'm fine." Reid grabbed the wall for support.

Gideon looked at Reid's pupils, which were dilated. "Spencer, you're high... I'm so dissapointed. I can't believe you'd betray my trust like that." Gideon caught Reid again. "I want you to go to bed, now Reid!" Gideon pointed down the hall to Reid's room.

"But it's..." Reid struggled with the clock, it seemed to be moving everywhere. He finally got his eyes to focus. "But it's only 8:00." Reid looked at Gideon with big eyes.

"But I said go to bed... now Reid, I mean it." Gideon was still pointing to Reid's room. Reid gave up arguing and stumbled to his room. Gideon shook his head.

"I just have to wait until he wakes up sober, then he's in so much trouble." He picked up the phone and dialed Hotch's number.

"Hotchner."

"This is Gideon."

"What happened?" Hotch sighed. He sort of knew it was Reid+drugs.

"I got back and Reid was seriously high. I had to yell at him to go to bed and sleep it off, but when he wakes up sober, Hotch I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Anyway, I just thought I should tell ya, he's not really gettin' anywhere on his road to recovery." Gideon sighed big.

"We'll help him through this. Soon, this will all be a past nightmare. Anyway, goodnight." Hotch hung up.

"We'll help him through this... I hope." Gideon repeated Hotch's optimistic words. Gideon curled up on the couch and went to sleep.

Next morning when Gideon woke up, he was surprised to see Reid up making coffee. "Spencer...'' He didn't get an answer. "Spencer..." Still no answer. "Reid!" Reid snapped his head around.

"Huh...what?" Reid turned back to the coffee and turned the coffee pot on. He turned back to Gideon and leaned on the counter. "What?''

"Do you want to talk about last night?" Gideon swallowed.

"What about last night." Reid looked confused.

"You know damn well what I mean Reid!" Gideon's words were spat at Reid who flinched.

"Oh, about getting high? What about it?" Reid said with attitude as he made a cup of sugar filled coffee.

"Start talking Reid!" Gideon was angry.

"Easy... what happened to calling me Spencer? Okay, I got high. So what. Never trust an addict with drugs in the house." Reid replied with more attitude.

"I didn't even know you had drugs!"

"Haven't you heard of drug dealers?" Reid said bitterly.

Gideon stood there for a minute astonished at what Reid was saying. "Go to your room for the rest of the day. I'll bring your food to you. First, I'm going to check your room of drugs." Reid looked at Gideon in a pissed way.

Gideon was searching Reid's room for about half an hour. He went back to the kitchen where Reid still was and showed him three vials. "See these... they're gone." Gideon walked to the sink and fought with the vials to open and poured them into the drain. "I hate doing these things to you Spencer. Now go to your room, I'll decide your punishment later." Gideon still had trouble saying all those words to Spencer, but it came easier when he was cocky and had an attitude, which was rare.

Reid walked to his room and slammed the door, like Gideon expected.

Hours passed and Gideon didn't hear anything from Spencer. Every once in a while, he'd get worried and want to just walk in there and give him a big hug, but that would just defeat the point of staying in his room all day. Gideon decided to take Reid a boul of soup and a sandwich for lunch. He walked in and noticed Reid was sitting there quietly.

"Spencer, are you hungry?" Gideon walked to Reid who was looking at his hands twisting themselves together. "Spencer? Are you alright?"

"Huh... oh what?" Reid looked up and shifted in his bed. "I'm not hungry." Reid looked down.

"I would really appreciate it if you'd eat something, you're loosing too much weight." Gideon sat on the bed next to him.

"I'm not hungry." Reid had more anger in his voice.

"Spencer... " Gideon noticed Reid shift in his bed angrily. "Let me see your arms." Reid refused. "Now, Spencer... don't act like a child. You don't have anything to worry about, I just want to see how bad it is." Reid still refused. Gideon tried to grab Reid's arms but he quickly snatched them away. "Reid! Do not make me get Hotch over here."

"I don't care... I know he can't, he's at work." Reid was staring at the wall with his arms crossed in a childish manner.

"Spencer... it's Sunday, they got out of work early today... now, do I need to get Hotch over here?" Reid didn't move.

Gideon pulled out his cell phone. Reid heard him dial Hotch's number. After a few moments, Hotch answered.

"Hotchner." Hotch answered out of reflex even though he had caller ID.

"Hey, this is Gideon." Gideon sighed and glanced at Reid.

"What is it? Is it Reid?" Hotch asked quickly.

"Yeah. I told him to show me his arms, but he's refusing to." Gideon sighed again. "Do you think you could come over here. I think he's going to get violent."

"Yeah, I'll be there in about fifteen." Hotch hung up the phone.

"There, Hotch is on his way." Gideon looked at Reid, who hadn't changed position. "Tell me, which are you hiding: cuts? track marks? Just tell me."

"I'm not hiding anything." Reid still didn't move.

"Obviously you are. If you aren't, just show me your arms, please." Reid shifted in his bed again, but didn't answer. "Fine, I'll just wait for Hotch." Gideon patted Reid on the shoulder before he left Reid's room.

Hotch was knocking at the door. Gideon quickly answered it. "Where is he?" Hotch quickly came in.

"He's in his room. Good luck getting him to talk." Gideon said, making a pot of coffee.

Hotch walked into Reid's room. "Reid." Reid's head quickly snapped up.

"What do you want?" Reid repositioned himself on the bed. Gideon walked in.

"Spencer...'' Gideon started but was interupted by Hotch.

"I'm just going to talk to Reid alone for a while." Gideon nodded and left the room. "Reid, let me get to the point... let me see your arms, please." Reid decided it's no use arguing. He pulled his sleeves up.

"You still have drugs." It was more of a statement. "I don't know what's worse, your addiction, or your stubbornness." Hotch walked out of the room to Gideon.

"Any luck?" Gideon made Hotch a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." Hotch took a sip of the coffee. "Yes, actually. He's not cutting himself anymore, but..."

"Drugs... I knew partly. It's wierd, I've searched his house completely for them. It's like drugs just grow from his house." Gideon looked at Hotch surprised. "You know what? I think I should take Reid to my cabin and stay there for a while."

"What about him taking drugs there too?'' Hotch looked at Gideon oddly.

"I'll pack his stuff for him, and it's hard to get drugs where my cabin is since it's way out of cities and towns." Hotch looked like he was considering it. "But what if he refuses to go?" Gideon looked at Hotch thinking.

"I can just threaten to report all this to strauss. He loves his job too much. I think that's a good idea, we should go tell him." Gideon nodded in aggreement. They walked to Reid's room. He was surprisingly smiling.

"Reid, we need to talk to you. Is that alright with you?" Hotch slowly walked to Reid's bed.

"Yeah, that's fine." Hotch and Gideon sat on Reid's bed. "What's up?" Reid said as if nothing had been going on the last week or so.

"So, Gideon and I talked. We think it would be best for your recovery if you stayed with Gideon at his cabin the rest of this week, then I could stay at the cabin with you for the month that Gideon's gone. How des that sound?" Hotch looked at Reid from the end of the bed.

"That actually sounds kind of nice. When can we go?" Reid had a smile on his face, obviously because of the drugs he took earlier that day.

"Today... if not today, tomorrow." Reid was smiling at the idea, but the recovery would be the worst.

A/N: I know it's surprising that Reid would have a major mood swing, but I had to have him smile at least once. Plz R&R! (*_*). Happy Easter all! )  
(*_*) 


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9:

Reid started to pack his bag, when Gideon remembered he had to pack his bags incase Reid wanted to try anything.

"Reid, I'm sorry, but I can't trust you. I'm going to pack your bags for you." Reid glared at Gideon for a moment.

"What does that have to do with trust." Reid knew the answer.

"Because I know you have drugs somewhere around here. I can't take the chance of you sneaking drugs. I'm going to check your pockets and shoes too, so don't try to hide them." Reid was still glaring at him.

"Fine, I'm not going to argue." Reid sat down on the bed hoping Gideon wouldn't notice the vials in the bag. He was right, don't trust an addict with packing his own bag. That's what he practically said, just in different terms.

After packing Reid's bags, Reid was relieved to notice that Gideon didn't take any vials out of his bag. "Ready to go?" Gideon handed Reid a bag.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Promise one thing, Gideon..." Reid stopped.

"What is it Spencer?" Gideon noticed the unsecurity in Reid's voice.

"Promise that, you'll never give up hope on me. After I walk out of this house, I won't come back until I've recovered. Whether I come back or not, I don't know, but please, no matter what, do not give up on me. Do you promise?" Reid's eyes were looking in every direction of the room.

"I promise. I will never give up hope. But you promise me, you'll never give up. No matter how hard it may seem don't give up. One day, you will walk back through this door, and take those vials you're hiding, and throw them away physically, and mentally... forever. Do you promise?" Gideon gave Reid a light hug.

"I promise... but instead of later, how about now?" Gideon looked confused. Reid walked to his bed and beneath the top matress, he pulled out three vials and syringes. "Here, get rid of them for me. I'm ready to get rid of them." Gideon smiled and let a tear stream down his face.

"I'm really proud of you Spencer. You have no idea how much this means to me. One thing though, I can't get rid of them for you. You have to." Fear hit Reid's face. "You can do it. Just open them up and pour them down the drain. Just let them go, you don't need them." Reid smiled and dumped them down the drain quickly.

For minutes, Reid stared at the mirror at his pale face with tear marks on his face and bloodshot eyes. Gideon walked in and put a hand on Reid's shoulder. "I'm proud of you. Remember that Spencer... C'mon, it's time to go." Reid stood there for minutes until Gideon took him by the arm and led him out to the SUV.

The ride to Gideon's cabin was silent, too silent. Reid was the first to speak in an hour of silence. "Gideon... I've never been able to say this... your the best father figure I've had, the closest thing to a father I have and I love that I have a family. Don't tell Morgan this, but I love him like a brother, an older brother. JJ is like a nice sister, and Hotch, I have no clue at all, he's just family. I just now noticed all that, we are all more than colleagues, we're family." Reid started twisting his fingers together.

"You've always been like a son to me. No matter what, you'll be like a son to me. I will never leave you, I promise that." Gideon pulled up to a fairly sized cabin surrounded by pine trees. "We're here, do you like it. Pretty isn't it. The view from the back is even better." Reid was staring at the view of the mountains behind the cabin, it was definitely a sight to be surprised by every day.

"It's beautiful Gideon. It's very pretty." Reid thought it was just a dream, and any minute, he'd be back in his bed in the nightmare that he used to be in an hour and a half ago.

Gideon handed Reid one of his bags and walked up the stone steps to the large, wooden door. Gideon found his keys and opened the cabin to a livingroom that looked like a movie cabin. It was perfect. A large fireplace, fluffy couch, and welcoming rugs everywhere. It was definitely a dream, but Reid seemed unable to wake up. Reid stood at the entrance behind Gideon with his mouth open in shock. "Well come in." Gideon said from by the hall across the room.

"Gideon, this, this isn't real. This is just a dream.'' Reid walked in.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Let me show you around. It gets even better." Reid followed Gideon to a room with a queen size bed with a colorful comforter, the walls were, like the rest of the house, stone on the inside, but for some reason, very warm to the touch. There was a bathroom with a fair sized shower, bathtub, and of course, a toilet. "This is your room." Reid stood there shocked that there could be a place to live that nice.

Gideon showed Reid the kitchen, which was like the rest of the house, amazing. Reid followed Gideon around to the deck on the back of the cabin with a view to the lake, with in the background, more mountains covered in green, brushy, pine trees. "Do you want something to eat? I can make some chicken or something." Gideon walked away from the door towards the kitchen.

"Yeah... that sounds good." Reid wondered if the food tasted as good as the cabin and view looked good. Gideon made chicken and a nice sauce to go with it, along with rolls, mashed potatoes, and corn. "This is really good Gideon. I'm surprised I actually have an apetite." They sat in front of the T.V. and watched old shows like 'I love Lucy' and 'Leave it to Beaver' most of the night.

"I'm going to go to bed. You can stay up and watch T.V. or whatever, just don't stay up all night." Gideon patted Reid on the shoulder and walked down the hall to his room. After a few minutes, Reid decided to do the same and 'hit the hay'.

A/N: I know the happiness is akward for my writing. Sorry if it sucks... I'll try to do something to the next chapters to create a better imagery. I don't know if I'm going to end this short or not, depends on if I get ideas from some of you Reid loving peeps out there. Plz just give ideas if you don't like to review... or suggest stories to read to get inspiration. Going through major writers block. And it is kinda short, sorry bout that too. the next chapters are already going through grammer check and I have to say, chapter 12 and 13 are long compared to the rest. 


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10:

When Reid woke up the next morning, he felt aweful. 'Probably withdrawal, I can do this, I know I can'. Reid thought as he walked to the dining room, where Gideon was with breakfast being made and a full pot of coffee. "Hi Spencer... you don't look too well." Gideon placed a hand on Reid's forehead.

"I don't feel too well either. I can do this though." Reid reached for a coffee mug and poured a cup of coffee. Reid sat down at the table after grabbing two plates and forks for breakfast. Gideon made pancakes with cinnammon in them for breakfast. Reid knew it wouldn't do good to argue about not wanting to eat so he didn't.

"Wow, you don't feel good, but you're eating." Gideon was surprised to see Reid done with his food before Gideon.

"Well, either way I'm going to have to eat. No use to argue." Reid put his plate in the sink and rinsed it off.

"I'm glad you're eating though." Gideon did the same and put his plate in the sink.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to go take a shower." Reid hurried to his bedroom. He didn't like lying to Gideon, but he couldn't go without his vials. He grabbed his cell phone and pressed speed dial #1, his drug dealer.

"Hello?" A low voice at the end of the line answered. "Ahhh, the famous Dr., Spencer, how are ya? I thought you quit. Same as usual? Dilaudid?"

"Uh hi yes. You read my mind and I'm supposed to be able to read other's minds wierd ain't it?" Reid answered quietly.

"I guess it is rather ironic. So same, dropoff in an hour, adress?"

"No, no no. My colleague is making me live in his cabin and noone is supposed to be at his cabin. Drop it off half way down the trail at..." Reid was interupted.

"I know where you are. Don't worry. One hour, no later." The line went dead. He felt as if he was betraying Gideon. 'I should leave now, it'll take me 'bout half an hour to get half way down the trail. I'll just tell Gideon I'm going for a walk'. Reid thought and decided not to take a shower.

Reid walked back down the hall to the kitchen where Gideon was washing the dishes. "Hey Gideon, I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in a little bit." Gideon nodded.

"Just be back in half an hour." Reid's face went pale. He needed an hour, not half an hour.

'Oh well, he'll get over it'. Reid agreed and walked out the door, but he forgot his cell phone.

The dropboy was there ten minutes early. Once he got back to the cabin, he was sure Gideon was going to explode at him for being late, but he didn't. "Spencer, you're late. Nevermind that. Sit down for a minute." Reid sat down across from Gideon at the kitchen table. "Care to explain?" Gideon reached into his pocket and took out Reid's cell phone. Reid's face went pale.

"What do you mean? It's just my cell phone." Gideon pressed a couple of buttons showing his phone log. Reid closed his eyes trying to fight the tears trying to escape from his eyelids.

"Just be honest with me. I know you bought them. Please make the right choice, please give them to me. We can just put this all past us." Gideon put his hand out. "Please."

"I'm sorry Gideon." Reid wiped away the tears that escaped and ran to his room. Gideon sighed and closed his eyes too, fighting tears. He walked to Reid's room after about ten minutes and tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Spencer, open the door... Spencer... Reid! Open the damned door, now!" Gideon kicked the door open and noticed he wasn't there. His bathroom door was closed and locked too. Gideon kicked the bathroom door and Reid was lying on the floor... not breathing. "Spencer!" Gideon dialed 911 and started CPR. It only took the medics five minutes to reach his cabin.

"Sir, please move so we can begin work. What's his name?" One of the medics asked as they put an oxygen mask on his face to begin CPR.

"Spencer Reid... Dr. Spencer Reid." Gideon smiled recalling the young doctor coming to the BAU, barely an adult.

"Okay, do you know what caused him to OD?" The same medic asked while performing CPR.

"D-Dilaudid." Gideon choked on the word.

"Okay, that's good. That can be reversed with another drug." The medic said confidentally while focusing on the unconscious dr.

"Actually, get a GN tube over here. We're going to have to pump this out of his system while he's in the ambulance." Gideon watched in horror as they put a tube down Reid's throat in to his stomach. "Sir, will you be riding in the ambulance? We have enough room for one." Gideon nodded while tears were escaping his eyelids.

The medics succeeded to get Reid on a gurney and into the ambulance in no time at all, but for Gideon, it seemed like forever. He got in the ambulance and they drove off.

While the ambulance was swerving as easily and quickly around the curves of the bumpy road as it could, Gideon took out his cell phone. "I'll explain later, just get to the hospital." He hung up and looked at the unconscious dr. "Oh, Spencer..." Gideon sighed out the words.

It took only nearly ten minutes to approach the hospital, but to Gideon, when horrible, tragic things were happening, it seemed as slow as an action movie in an epic scene, slow, yet full of tears and action. And the smell of death approaching the near corpse that Reid's once happy soul used to posess. Now, death posessed it.

In the hospital, IVs were set up, along with wires hooking to a heart moniter. Once the IVs were settled underneath the dr.'s pale skin, and his heart stayed at a somewhat normal pace, the skin color started come back to its normal pale tone. Gideon was told that he should be waking up soon and could probably leave tomorrow around noon. "Can I see him? Just to make sure when he wakes up he can see a familiar face." Gideon reassured the unsure doctor eyeing Reid, then Gideon.

"I guess it would be alright. Just please do not disturb him." The doctor noticed Gideon's sadness and gave him a weak smile and patted him on the shoulder. "He's going to be fine, I'm 100 percent sure." The doctor walked off with one last smile smaller than the last.

Gideon stood staring in the same spot for minutes. He hesitantly opened the door to Reid's room. To his surprise, Reid was already somewhat awake. Gideon gave a weak smile and sat next to his bed and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. Reid stared in the same spot on the wall in front of him as if he were watching what was going on behind it.

"Spencer?" Reid turned his head slowly and weakly to the elder profiler. Gideon noticed he'd got Reid's attention. "I'm not angry with you, I am upset you did what you did though... I'm just happy you're alright." Gideon moved Reid's hair out of his face. Reid had fresh tear marks on his face.

"Gideon, I'm sorry." Reid started crying, which was starting to become normal to Gideon.

"Shhhhh, it's alright. Just take a small sip of your water." Gideon held a cup of water with a straw for Reid as he sipped.

Reid could talk clearly after hydrating his throat. "I'm sorry Gideon... I really am." Gideon nodded slowly at Reid.

"Just tell me the truth... was it an accident?" Gideon looked at Reid with the most serious look he could give.

A/N: wow... sorry so long for the update. I've been reading a lot of stories. And I'm kinda sad. I found out I'm bein held back for 8th grade. Damn!!!! My mom's prolly gonna take away my comp. I'll try to do all this updating at school during lunch and what not. Sorry, my fault. 


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11:

Previously: His bathroom door was closed and locked too. Gideon kicked the bathroom door and Reid was lying on the floor... not breathing."Just tell me the truth... was it an accident?" Gideon looked at Reid with the most serious look he could give.

"W-what?" Reid's face went pale again. "What do you mean?" Reid didn't like the question.

"Did you overdose on purpose again?" Gideon asked in the same calm tone. He knew that Reid probably did, but he wanted proof his thoughts were just from a tired, overactive imagination.

Reid didn't answer. He stayed silent for a couple minutes. He decided not to avoid the question because he knew he wouldn't be able to. "Y-yes... I didn't know what else to do." Gideon stared at him for a few moments not sure of what to say or do.

"Do you want to overcome your addiction?" Gideon asked knowing a part of Reid did, but the other didn't. The real question was: 'Which will triumph over the other?'

"Yes, I do. As soon as I get out of here, I want to start fresh. I am going to give you those vials without thinking twice. It's only around 7-10 days of withdrawal, then I'm free. It's not that long. I can do this." Reid's voice wasn't weak anymore, but optimistic and full of happy strength. "When can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow around noon. I'm happy you're making that choice. I hope you follow through with it too." Gideon looked at Reid, who seemed to be thinking.

"Can you get me an envelope, stamp, paper, and a pencil?" Reid asked looking back at the wall with a small, unnoticable smile.

"Who are you going to write a letter to?" Gideon asked looking confused. Normally, Reid would call, not send a letter.

"I need to send my letter to my mom. I haven't sent her one in..." Reid counted in his head. "Three weeks. She's probably either worried about me, or can't remember that I send her letters everyday." Reid was looking at Gideon now.

"Okay, I'll be back... oh, and the team's on the way here to see you. They don't know what happened yet and I want you to explain to them what happened." Reid had a terrified expression on his face. "Don't worry. You'll be fine." Gideon didn't look back as he walked off.

Gideon hadn't gotten back when the whole team showed up at Reid's hospital room, which meant he had to explain himself without Gideon's support. "Reid, what happened?" Hotch had a big frown across his face.

"...I...I-I'd like for Gideon to get back first... he won't be long. He went to get me some stuff to write a letter to my mom." Reid looked at the ceiling trying to avoid the eyes looking at his pale body.

Gideon arrived back to the room shortly after it went silent. "Oh... you're here... has he told you..." Gideon looked at the other members of the team and profiled that they were confused as to why Reid was in a hospital bed. Although they had a pretty good idea. "Spencer... you should start explaining now, you will sooner or later."

"Okay, I guess you're right." Reid sighed and attempted to sit up but his body was so weak, it was a motion that was refused. "I used but... I-I..." Reid swallowed. They all looked at him, urging him to go on. "I overdosed..." Gideon looked at him and silently urged him to say the hid information. "On... purpose." The team, except for Gideon, looked away in dissapointment.

"Damn, kid. Again, in two weeks. Sonofabitch." Morgan looked like he was going to punch a wall when Hotch put a hand on his shoulder calming him down, though he was just as dissapointed. "Twice... in two weeks?"

Reid noticed the eyes set on him again as if they were waiting for him to reply. He pulled the covers up over himself more and turned away, leaving only his back for the team to set their eyes onto. "Spencer, please look at us." Gideon put a hand on his shoulder.

"Just leave me alone for a while... please." Reid's tone was calm and sincere. The team left the room, except for Gideon. "Please, I just need some rest Gideon." He gave a weak smile.

"Go ahead and rest, but I'm staying right here. You can either go to sleep, or listen to me... I really hope you choose to listen to me." Reid turned and looked at the middle aged man. "Thank you. Are you really willing to stop your addiction?"

"I've already told you yes..." Reid looked confused and annoyed that his addiction kept being brought up. "Why?"

"Because... I was thinking... maybe... you could go to an... um rehab. center." Gideon saw Reid's nearly shut eyes grow big.

"No... no, no, no way. I am not going. Don't you try to make me. I am NOT going." Reid shifted in his bed uncomfortably.

"Easy Spencer... it was just a suggestion." Gideon looked at the younger profiler seeing fear in his eyes. "I'm not going to make you go."

"Good, cause either way, I will never go there." Reid said with attitude. Gideon's expression changed to Reid's behavior.

"What's with the attitude Spencer?" Gideon noticed Reid getting really uncomfortable.

"I told you I'm tired and need to rest."

"Okay, I'll leave so you can sleep. I'll be here tomorrow morning to pick you up." Gideon noticed the relief in Reid's eyes to him shutting the hospital door. Gideon stared through the window into his room for a long moment. Hotch put a hand on Gideon's shoulder, which startled Gideon's haze.

"What'd he say?" Hotch noticed the stressed look on Gideon's face.

"I told him he should go to a rehabilitation center, but, he refused... I don't think he'd even consider it ever." Gideon rubbed his eyes in a tired, stressed way. "Hotch, I don't really know what to do now. I've tried nearly everything. I've tried playing similar to 'good cop, bad cop' except more like 'good father, bad father'... what are we going to do when I have to leave?" Gideon remembered he only had about five days left until he had to leave.

"We'll figure something out. When you leave, it'll be hard for him to cope with all of this without you, but we'll get him through..." Hotch was thinking. "Maybe he could call you everyday and could check up on each other... a month is a long time to go without speaking to famous special agent Gideon." Hotch and Gideon shared a small smile.

"It's still going to be hard for him though, but it would make it easier." Gideon turned back to the door.

A/N: Good news, I'm not loosing my internet, so no worries bout that... also, I just have to get a B average to go on to 9th grade!!! Yayyyyy! Anyway, My updates are getting closer to what I am in the story. I always want to stay three or more chapters ahead in case I don't have time to write... I'm on chapter 15, almost 16, but I'm not going to give any hints, I will say something big will happen!!! I love to taunt people! I also like to send people their plot bunnies after them. 


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12:

All night, Reid's sleep was restless. He tossed and turned all night. He was startled when Gideon walked in the door with some clothes for him. "How did you sleep Spencer?" He had noticed he looked more tired than last night.

"Umm fine, I guess..." Reid lost eye contact with Gideon.

"Really? Are you lying to me?" Gideon walked in more and sat the clothes on Reid's lap.

"N-no, I'm not lying." Gideon stared at Reid's eyes, which seemed to be darting across the room. Gideon knew Reid was lying, but decided not to push him.

"Okay, well, I got you a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt." Gideon noticed Reid move his eyes to his arms and his face was overwhelmed with fear. "I grabbed you a house-coat too, don't worry." Gideon patted his shoulder. "Go get dressed." Reid sort of hobbled to the bathroom. It didn't take him long to get dressed.

Later, Reid went back to Gideon's cabin. Gideon didn't try to push him off the edge by asking questions, but there was still one or two questions he had to ask. The whole hour ride was long, especially considering it was completely silent, besides the dirt road and the rocks bouncing off the rims of the wheels, which was giving Reid a major headache. Gideon noticed Reid fidgeting trying to get to a point where the bumps weren't making his headache worse.

"We're back Spencer... Are you awake?" Gideon asked as he pulled into the long, dirt drive. Reid gave a small nod and got out. Once they walked inside, Spencer sat at the table, knowing Gideon would want to lecture him or something, but this time, he was wrong. "Okay..." Gideon's voice was shaky in a nervous way. "So, what you did was very wrong... you know that." Reid looked at his hands. "If you have anymore vials, you need to give them to me right now. And I mean right now. If I find any after today, there will be severe consequenses."

Reid nodded. "Gideon, I'm sorry."

"No. You're not. You use apologies everytime you know you do something wrong, then do it again. I'm tired of hearing apologies. Right now, I'm very angry with you, and you know that's rare. What you did, it scared me... you don't know how scared I was. You're like my son."

"But... I am. I really am sorr-" Gideon cut him off again.

"No you are not. You've gotten into the habit of using it as a pass and I've been too nice with it. No more."

"But..."

"I said no more! Now you can either get me more angry than I already am, or you can go to your room." Reid got up angrily, went to his room and slammed the door. Gideon sighed knowing he had twice the work now. Now he had to help his surrogate son with his addiction and a major attitude adjustmant.

An hour later, Gideon decided to check up on Spencer and see if he wanted to talk. He knocked on the door, but didn't get an answer. Gideon walked in and Reid was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Spencer...?" Reid didn't answer. "Spencer, answer me... or at least sit up." Reid still didn't answer. He didn't even blink. "Reid... I swear this attitude has to go!" Gideon practically yelled. Reid sat up angrily and rolled his eyes.

"What the hell do you want?!" Reid said with a teenager-type of attitude.

"Hey, one, do not swear. Two, knock off that attitude."

"Hey guess what? I don't give a shit!"

"I really want you to talk to me. What's going on with you besides the fact of your addiction." Gideon sat next to Reid on the bed, who shifted himself farther away. He didn't want to even come close to Gideon because of the anger knawing at him to be let out in some way.

"Nothing. And it's none of your damn business." Reid said with a shaky voice.

"Spencer... I really want you to be happy. Now I can't help you with that if you don't tell me.

"You really wanna fucking know?..." Reid said angrily, meeting Gideon's eyes for the first time.

"Don't swear... and yes, I do."

"I'm going to have to go with a whole month dealing with Hotch, not to mention, you're going to be gone... how do you possibly think I'm going to be able to do it without you?" Reid started letting the tears from his eyes stream down his face.

"Spencer... you're right. But my idea was that in that week, you'd be doing better. I thought you'd be close to done with the withdrawal symptoms by then. But I guess I was wrong. Spencer, I don't have a choice now, you need me more than anything right now... I'm not going to leave." Reid quickly sat up and hugged Gideon. More tears came.

"Now I want you to talk to me." Reid nodded and sat up. He wiped his eyes. "Does this family mean anything to you." Reid nodded.

"I told you that three days ago." Reid said, still wiping the tears away.

"Do you want to stop all of this and things can go back to normal?" Reid nodded again.

"My job means everything to me... everything. It gave me my family, but, I'm losing all of you." More tears built up on the edge of his eyes.

"You are not going to lose us. No matter what, we're always here for you. Just like we were with..." Gideon didn't want to bring back unessasary memories.

"With what?" Reid asked looking up.

"Tobias..." Reid just nodded slightly.

"I couldn't save him... I had to kill him. I just... I want to forget it all. I want to escape from it all. I don't want to feel anything, nothing doesn't sound like a good feeling, but once you've experienced it, it's the best feeling in the world." Gideon nodded. Those words were the same and came from all addicts, but it seemed to be true, just not a good thing.

"It's not your fault. None of it is..."

"Yes it is... part of it is my fault..." Gideon interupted.

"No it's not, Spencer..."

"Yes it is, just listen for a minute. The first time he gave me the drugs, I didn't want it, but he still did it. The second time, he told me to tell him it didn't help, but I couldn't lie. The third, I was happy about it, and I could have stopped him because if I'd told him it didn't help, he would have stopped... I asked for it internally... I could have stopped then." Gideon nodded. He was somewhat surprised at the new news he'd gotten from when the camera in that cabin wasn't on.

"It's alright Spencer... it's alright. It is not your fault, you need to understand that. You were in pain, what else were you supposed to do?" Reid shook his head.

"No, when something painful happens to the rest of you, you don't do drugs to escape. I'm weak, pathetic, ...."

"Spencer Reid! Do not ever say that. You aren't." Gideon said hugging him again, but Reid quickly pushed away.

"It's true. The Charles persona said that... my father said that. Even my teachers and classmates." Gideon shook his head and grabbed Reid's shoulders tightly.

"It is not true. Did any of them turn out to be a great FBI agent who has saved too many people to count?" Reid slightly smiled, then looked down.

"I guess you're right, like always." They joined for another hug, but no one pushed away. They both had tears on their faces. "Gideon, I'm in pain right now." Gideon let go and looked at him with a sad face.

"When do the withdrawal symptoms start?" Reid looked up.

"Usually 4-8 hours after the last dose has worn off, and it's been that long. I doesn't usually peak to it's strongest until 48 hours though." Gideon nodded in understanding.

"Now, we just wait for it to pass... what are some of the earlier symptoms?" Gideon asked trying to keep his mind off the pain.

"Nasuea, headaches, tremors or chills, cold sweats, slight fever... irritability... I think that's it, but I can't really remember... it hurts too much to think." Reid held his head.

"I'm here with you through it all, okay?" Gideon asked as Reid's eyes widened.

"No, no... didn't you hear me? Irritability is the most common, and I don't want to get angry at you anymore. I can do it by myself, I'll be fine." Reid gave a weak smile. Gideon shook his head.

"No, I'm right here for you. I'm not going to stand by and watch... I won't do that again." Reid nodded and buried his face in Gideon's shoulder.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"For what Spencer? What are you sorry about?" Gideon asked as he rubbed Reid's back.

"For everything... I'm ruining your life, I worried you by trying to kill myself twice in the past few weeks... I'm sorry for all that I put you through, you don't deserve it." Gideon pulled Reid away and looked him strait in the eye.

"Reid... don't you ever say that again, that is not true. If I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't have... now I don't like hearing those words from you." Reid nodded.

"Can I just be alone for a while?" Gideon nodded slightly. He patted Reid's shoulder and hesitantly left.

Reid thought for a minute or two. He was ruining Gideon's life, he kept saying to himself. He got out a piece of paper and wrote:  
'I'm so sorry Gideon... I'm ruining your life... I'm ruining your career. What I said is true and you don't have to worry about me. I have to leave and sort things out on my own, I can stay with Ethan for a while. Please don't try to find me.  
When I'm ready, I'll come back to see you'  
--Spencer Reid

When he wrote, he started tearing up. He got his shoes on, grabbed his phone and coat and climbed out the window and never looked back.

A/N: I know that was kind of dark, but it's a rainy day, I have The Funeral, by Band of Horses playing on repeat. (the song at the end of Revelations) and it's good inspiration for angst. Even if you don't like the song and need inspiration for a fic that's angst, you can listen to that song, or you could listen to Relax, Take it Easy, by Mika, the acoustic version tho. Anyway, I don't think the next chapter will be as dark, but no fluff. Warning for next chapter: Ethan may be present.--blah, blah, I never shut up! Oh, and I just finished this story completely at chapter 16 I think. 


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13:

Previously:When he wrote, he started tearing up. He got his shoes on, grabbed his phone and coat and climbed out the window, and never looked back.

Gideon hadn't heard from Spencer in about half an hour. He knocked on the door and got extremely worried when there was no answer. He immediately opened the door, only to find a piece of paper on the bed, and how the room was cold from being exposed, as he also noticed, the window was open. He grabbed the piece of paper and read. He had tears on his face as he read and shock overwhelmed him.

He called Hotch to tell him what had happened. He dialed the number and got a fair response time.

"Gideon? What is it?" Gideon still had shock written on his face as he looked out the window from the other side of the room. "Gideon..."

"Reid,... he... he left a note. He's gone Hotch." There was a long silence.

"What does the note say word for word?" Gideon read the note to Hotch over the phone. "It sounds like he's going to Ethan. I have to stay with the team, I don't want to tell them because they'd fight me to go look for him, and he doesn't need a group of people surrounding him. He's in a fragile state. Go find him, you know where Ethan works, you've seen him before."

"Okay, I'll call you once I have something."

Meanwhile:

Reid had been walking, not on the trail though. His fear of Gideon driving down the trail and finding him was statistically big. Gideon would still try to find him even though the note said not to. 'Maybe I shouldn't have told where I was going', he thought as he read the note in his head. He came close to the outskirts of the city. He crossed through the woods instead of having to take the time to walk around the swirvs of the trail. He decided to call Ethan to tell him what was going on.

"Hello? Spencer, I'm guessing?" The other end of the line picked up.

"Uh yeah... do you have a minute to talk?"

"Yeah, so, what happened this time?" He read Spencer's mind like it was a book.

"Yanno, you could have passed the qualifications as a profiler..." There was a light chuckle at the other end of the line. "Well, it's a long story..."

"Well take your time, I'm not busy." Ethan said. Reid could almost hear his worry.

"Umm, I'm still struggling... I overdosed two weeks ago. And Gideon took me in to help me, but I haven't gotten anywhere, I've actually gone backwards. Anyway, I just overdosed, I think, two or three days ago, I can't remember. I'm ruining his life and need a break from everybody. I kind of need somewhere to go..."

"I don't think leaving them with just a note was a good idea..." Reid cut Ethan off.

"How did you know I left a note?" Reid noticed he was laughing slightly.

"Spencer, I may not be a profiler, but you are just too easy... Do you really think I'd believe your friends, your family, would just let you go away right now?" Reid had to admit, he was good.

"But, can I stay with you for a while?"

"Yeah, sure. But you have to promise me two things. One, you have to get this addiction of yours settled, two, you have to call them and let them know you're alright."

"They know I'm alright..." Ethan cut him off.

"Either you promise those two things, or it's no deal... do you promise?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few hours..."

"Okay, just be ready to talk when you get here... I'm not going to let you get away with this without talking to me about it."

"Okay, I will, bye."

Gideon already walked out the door. He tried calling Reid's phone, knowing that he wouldn't answer, he was wrong.

"Gideon, please just stop. I just need some time away to sort things out. I hope you respect that." Reid said as he got on the plane. he'd be later than he told Ethan, because of so many people at the airport and the delay from the storm, but finally, passengers were allowed on the plane.

"Spencer, please don't do this. You are not ruining anyone's life. You don't have to go..."

"Gideon I do. I'm sorry for the pain I caused to all of you. Tell Hotch and the rest of the BAU I said I love them, and if I can get myself under control, I might visit, but... I just love you all. I hate that I have to leave, but I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Spencer, please... just wait where you are..." Gideon begged as he drove faster.

"I'm sorry Gideon..." The end of the line hung up. Gideon threw his phone at the dashboard and drove quicker. He wasn't going to give up, he had to go find him, he's not hard to profile.

Reid decided to wait for Gideon, to let him say what he needed, but it wasn't going to stop him. He had to do this, for the sake of his family.

Gideon drove to the airport. It was fairly big, but he had no problem finding Reid because he knew which plane he was going to get on. He was surprised to see Reid hadn't left yet. The plane already left too. "Spencer, before you leave, I need to talk to you..." Reid didn't look up. He stared at his hands. "You don't have to leave. I just want you to know that. I also need to know if you have somewhere to stay."

Reid nodded. "I'm staying with Ethan for a while..." He mumbled. "I'm sorry, Gideon... I didn't mean to hurt all of you. I just need help from someone who knows what it's like... to overcome an addiction." Reid looked up for the first time, revealing tears.

"An addiction?" Gideon asked. "Ethan's addicted to drugs?"

"No, no... just, he used to be an alcoholic, and he knows what it's like. When I talked to him when we were on the case, he gave me hope, just from him saying he knows what it looks like... I'm just hoping it's the right choice." Reid looked at the ground and sat back.

"I just want you to know, you aren't hurting anybody by staying, but you are if you leave. It's like you are giving up to them if you don't stay... you can still change your mind right now. We can put all this past us. Tomorrow, we can forget it even happened." Reid nodded.

"I guess you are right. If I don't go, we won't speak of it ever again?" Gideon nodded. Reid sat back and thought for a minute. "Okay, I won't go, but I have to tell Ethan." Gideon nodded. Reid took out his cell phone.

"Ethan? Uh, change of plans... yeah... I did change my mind... yeah, Gideon..." Gideon heard a loud chuckle on the other end of the line. "Yeah, I will. Okay, talk to you later, bye." Reid hung up and looked at Gideon before looking back down.

"Spencer, what's the matter?" Gideon noticed Reid was looking sad.

"Nothing, just... nothing. I don't know how I'm going to do this, I just don't know." He looked up and met Gideon's eyes.

"We'll get this all sorted out. I promise I'll always be here for you when you need me. Even if you don't want me to, I'll stay." Gideon said, while clutching his shoulder. "I have to call Hotch... he's worried about you..."

Reid nodded. "Can you tell him I'm sorry for everything. The team already has enough to deal with, I made it worse." Gideon nodded.

Gideon made the call. The other end of the line picked up.

"Hotch, yeah... hold on, I can't hear you, too many people. I'll call you back when I get outside." They forced themselves against the croud trying to make their way to the plane. It took them a few minutes, but they managed to get out. Gideon hit the recall button. The line picked up quickly.

"So, what's going on?" Hotch asked.

"I got him. I was able to talk him out of leaving... we're leaving right now." Reid looked at the ground.

"Okay, I need to talk to him about what happened to him a few weeks ago, so when you get back, just bring him to the BAU." Hotch demanded.

"Okay, I will..." Gideon hung up and Reid looked up. "Hotch needs to talk to you... about a few weeks ago... we need to start working on this with the rest of the team. They've been working on it in spare time, but haven't gotten enough information for a stable profile.'' Reid seemed relieved to have to talk to Hotch about something completely unsimilar, besides the fact it was all because of drugs somehow. Everything in his life was related to drugs somehow... in any size, shape, or form.

A/N: No author's note this time I guess. I'm listening to Relax, Take It Easy, by Mika, the acoustic version. It's a nice mellow version. Someone on youtube created a fanvid of Reid's addiction with the song, and in a way that the lyrics fit with the clips, it fits this story very well. Any1 who wants to check it out: Criminal Minds--Revelations.  
--again, blah,blah, nobody cares about my music interests! all they want me to do is update so they can read! 


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14:

Reid walked out of his room in pain. Gideon was considering to send him to rehab. even more every minute he saw his 'son' in pain. He decided to wait until the waves of withdrawal dimmed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Reid nodded, but Gideon knew in no way, was he okay. Reid hadn't wanted to go to rehab. and argued about it with Gideon anytime it was brought up.

Gideon watched Reid. The symptoms were starting to climax. Now, he was irritable and his heart was beating faster than normal. "What!?" Reid asked, slightly irritated. Gideon knew when to back off, but sometimes he didn't.

"I"m just really uncomfortable with watching you in pain." Reid glared at him.

"Don't be! I told you... I'm not going. It's fine, really. I'll be okay. It's been four days. I've made it four days." Reid stretched out the 'four'.

"With twice as many to come... you know statistics, what's the one on people trying to quit without help... without professional help?" Reid glared again. "I'm serious... what is it?"

"80% can't quit without relapsing, 20% can, half of the ones who can't..." Reid cut himself off.

"What is it?" Reid looked down.

"Half... end their lives..." Reid mumbled. Gideon nodded.

"My point. What do you want to do now?"

"I-I don't want to go..." Gideon sighed in defeat.

"I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do."

"Then why are you forcing me to quit? I never wanted to quit when you first found out. I just didn't want to lie to you."

"As I said, I'm not going to force you to do anything." Reid let the tears flow freely down his face.

"Gideon... I didn't mean that... I didn't mean I didn't want to ever..." Gideon cut Reid off.

"I know. Truth is, I know you didn't want to quit. I'm just forcing you to do something you don't want to. I'm sorry for trying to help you." Gideon said while Reid wiped the tears away.

"Gideon... that's NOT true... please, believe me. I'm not going back to drugs. I Promise."

"Okay... will you go then?" Gideon asked.

"I-I don't WANT to go." Gideon let the sadness show in his face. He thought, maybe for once, if he'd show Spencer how much this hurt him, he'd agree to go.

"Exactly my point. If you don't WANT to go, you don't WANT to stop. Now... I'm not going to stop you. But I have no say in what Hotch does." Reid let anger overwhelm him.

"Fine... if you won't help me, I won't try!" Reid grabbed his phone, pressing a button as he walked off. Gideon wiped his tears away... he didn't know why, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Once he realized how he'd given up and regretted his choice, he'd agree to go to rehab. Maybe Gideon leaving WAS a good idea, let Hotch break him down.

Gideon waited untile he was sure Reid was done with his phone call. He hesitantly knocked on the door. "What do you want?!"

"Just to talk... please." He waited and the door opened after a moment.

"What?!" Gideon put up his hands in defencee.

"Spencer... I'll help you and I know exactly how.'' Reid waited for him to answer. "Let's make a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Reid asked suspicously. He sat on the bed and Gideon sat next to him.

"Three strikes... if you relapse three times, I'll send you to rehab. Don't like it... I'll get Hotch to help me. There are no exceptions or nagotiations what-so-ever." Reid nodded.

"I-I don't know... I'm just really confused." Gideon's paternal instincts took over and he embraced Spencer with a comforting hug. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay... it's not your fault." He rubbed soothingly on Reid's back. "What are you going to do about those drugs you just called for?" Reid let go and looked at his hands. "It's okay."

"I don't like this plan... the cold turkey... no offense, but you were being kind of harsh." Reid said while still looking down.

"I know... and we can do this any way you want. You set all this up this time." Reid nodded. "Got an idea?"

"No, not really. All I know is I'm not going to be stopping all at once... but you kind of figured that." Reid said.

"Okay... are you feeling up to work?" Reid almost forgot. He was happy about being able to work again, though he didn't like the occasional glances from the team. He had to bite his tongue so the irritability didn't take over and make him lash out.

"Yeah... except for the fact that everyone stares at me." Gideon chuckled.

"Spencer, they are going to... you tried to take your own life twice within one month."

"Yeah, I guess you're right... but it just irritates me. Withdrawal symptoms are a pain in the ass."

"That's how I feel about you sometimes." Gideon smiled.

"Haha, very funny."

"Go get ready." Gideon said as he stood.

Gideon got ready and noticed Reid wasn't ready. He waited ten minutes, but still no Reid. He walked into Reid's room. He was sitting on his bed with his eyes closed and hands clasped. He hadn't noticed Gideon come in.

"Spencer... you ready to go?" He snapped out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah..." He was staring at his hands.

What is it?" Gideon noticed Reid's lack of eye contact.

"Nothing... I just feel, I don't know... only when I'm the one that needs help, I pray... but I don't pray for anyone else. My problems aren't the only important ones... I just feel guilty."

"Spencer, don't feel guilty. It's normal to care about yourself. There isn't anyone else to pray for. Especially how bad your problem is. I'm happy you're praying. It's a good thing." Reid forced a smile, he did feel somewhat better, though.

BAU:

Hotch told Reid and Gideon to meet him in his office after work. Reid figured it had to be him... Gideon, however, had no clue what-so-ever. After work, Hotch eyed them, reminding that he wanted to talk to them. They both walked to his office.

"So... how is it going?'' Hotch looked strait at Reid, showing Gideon what he was talking about.

"F-fine. Just fine." Reid answered quietly. It was akward for him to talk about to someone other than Gideon.

"Are you sure? You seem a little uncomfortable." Hotch asked, silently profiling the young profiler.

"Hotch, I'm fine... Gideon, how long has it been? Almost six day? I"ve lost track, somewhere around there. I'm fine." Hotch nodded.

"But you do know, this is when it peaks... when it's at its worst. Plus, phsycologically about what happened."

"I'll live. It's not that bad. I'll be alright." Hotch nodded again, uncertain. "Well, I think I should go. I don't feel good again... again." Reid forced a smile.

"Okay... okay. Let's go. Sorry Hotch... this kid's got some problems he's got to deal with." they all smiled. "It's been getting worse the past few days." They all stopped smiling.

"Gideon! It's not that bad... it's just a headache.'' Reid said quietly.

"Take care of yourself, Reid. I'm serious, don't go hurting yourself again." Reid grinned while he opened the office's door.

CAR. 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

The day at work was fairly normal, despite the occasional glances. At least it was normal paperwork until they got a case. Hotch decided he'd let Reid work it. The team was happy. When they got the hotel room set up, of course it was Gideon who'd be staying with Reid.

"Of course! C'mon Gideon... I wanna hang out with Morgan... please." Gideon shook his head. They all tried to force back a laugh at the father/son relationship they had. "Gideon... can I talk to you for a minute?" Gideon nodded. Once they got away from the team, the rest laughed. Even Hotch. "I'm not having cravings... not having withdrawals... I'm done. Three reasons why I should be able to stay with Morgan. Please. Just for tonight.

"Sorry Spencer. You may not be having cravings or withdrawal now, but you might later. And I don't want you dealing with it without me there. Sorry... maybe after it starts to dim down. You and I both know it's been worse the last couple of days. It hasn't started to dim down yet, which is scaring me. It's already been... seven days? It should be almost nothing now." Reid glared at him.

"But!" Reid crossed his arms in a defiant way.

"No buts. Sorry... maybe if it's alright tonight... maybe... tomorrow."

"Fine!" Reid walked back to the team. When they noticed Reid was kind of angry, they knew Gideon won the argument.

"Easy kid... lose the argument?" Morgan laughed.

"Not funny. And no... I won partially." Gideon smiled.

"So... who's going where?"

"Well... I'm with Gideon." Reid mumbled and pouted. It only made the rest laugh.

///////

Like Gideon predicted, Reid did feel bad the rest of the night. It was one of the worst Gideon's ever saw. He was curled up by the toilet, along with shivers and cold sweats. His whole body ached. Even on top of it, he was having cravings. At the point to where he wanted a whole syringe full so he'd never wake up. He didn't know if it was either death or a serious high he was craving, but whatever it was, the craving was gnawing at his insides. Gideon tried to help him, but all he got was anger. Reid didn't want any help, and Gideon didn't like it.

"Spencer... just let me help you..." Reid blinked his eyes closed tight.

"No... there is nothing you can do that you will do. We both know that... so I'm not even going to waste my breath trying to beg."

"Spencer... let me at least be here for you..." Gideon tried but Reid's eyes quickly snapped open; full of anger.

"How many times do I have to say it? There's nothing you can do that you will do! You wouldn't be able to even if you did want to. You wouldn't want me to do it." Gideon ignored him.

"I'm not leaving you here alone." Gideon grabbed Reid and pulled him into a sitting position. He tried to pull away, but Gideon's grasp was firm.

"Let go of me! Leave. Me. Alone!" He ignored Spencer. "Please... I have to do this alone... just leave me for a few minutes... I just need a minute of silence." Gideon sighed.

"Alright... but I'm not leaving this room."

"I just need a quick shower... please. Just leave me alone for a few minutes." Gideon nodded in defeat.

"I'll be out there. Are you alright?" Reid nodded.

"It's no different than any other day. You should be used to this. It may be over being this bad in a couple days, but for over a month, I'll still have withdrawal symptoms, so get used to it.''

"But this is the worse I've seen it. I've never seen it this bad. Maybe you should just stay here tomorrow." Reid shook his head.

"Don't try to win that argument. It'll be fine. I can still profile." Gideon nodded and left the room. He had a sudden craving. Right in the pit of his stomach. It was gnawing its way through his muscles and made him feel weak... like he couldn't move. He could barely. He had his own solution that backfired a week ago, but if it kept him away from drugs, he'd do it. He searched his bag for the razor. He learned from last time not to cut his arms, since it was the worst place besides his face, obviously. Gideon had always wanted to check his arms... just to make sure he wasn't, if possible, faking the withdrawal symptoms.

He took the razor to his legs. He made sure not to cut past one layer of tissue, afraid he'd cut too deep, just so he'd bleed. Once he was done and the craving turned into blood and streamed down his leg, he got in the shower. It was a painful thing to cut yourself, then put it under the steaming water. Luckily, by the time he got out, his leg stopped bleeding. He got his clothes on and dried his hair. When he walked back to his bed, he noticed Gideon wasn't asleep. He had a distressed look on his face.

"I'm sorry Gideon..." He looked confused. "I'm sorry all this is stressing you out..."

"No... it's just that I hate seeing you in pain... and you won't let me help you." Reid turned his attention to his legs. he felt self conscious over them for some odd reason.

"What did you think you could have done to help me? There was only one thing you could have done... but I know you won't do that."

"You wouldn't let me comfort you. It's like suffering. If you're suffering, do you want to suffer alone, or have someone there to comfort you?"

"Well... actually I prefer to deal with my problems on my own." Gideon smiled.

"That's not exactly a good thing, though. Are you alright now?" Gideon asked.

"Well, just minor... barely noticeable cravings, but nothing I can't handle. It still gnawes at my insides every second of the day... but, I have to deal with it. My own fault for getting into this. I'm not a genius if I can't stay away from drugs... heck, I thought you wouldn't notice. Ethan was right... for a genius, it's just dumb." Gideon laughed at the remark.

"He was always on the funny side... well... goodnight.''

The room went dark. It wasn't long before Gideon fell asleep, but Reid didn't sleep all night. He had nightmares that were also dreams. First, he'd get what he wanted. Dilaudid. Then, it'd be taken away from him. All the thoughts in his head kept him awake all night. He decided it's no use and got up. The moment he sat up, he noticed how bad the craving for it was. He knew what he had to do to stop his craving. At least for a few minutes. He once again, went to the bathroom with his razor. He got dressed and when he was done, Gideon was just waking up.

"Hey... how'd you sleep?" Gideon asked still rubbing his eyes.

"Uhh... fine." Reid lied. It wasn't hard for him to lie anymore, but Gideon always knew when he was.

"You're a lier..." Gideon said softly with a sad smile. To Reid, it was pure torture. It brought back memories of Raphael calling him a lier. Reid blinked back tears, and Gideon noticed.

"Are you alright?" Reid nodded.

"Oh c'mon. I know when you're lying. What is it?" Reid sat down on the bed.

"It's just... flashbacks of Raphael." Gideon understood what made him start crying.

"Oh... I forgot. I'm sorry 'bout that. But... you didn't sleep, did you?" Reid shook his head and yawned.

"Damn... when the hell is all of this going to be over?" Gideon rubbed his face.

"Heck... I'm the one that has to go through all of this!" Reid said in an irritated voice.

"Easy... just calm down."

"Just calm down?! I can't do that. I'm sick of all this! I'm not doing it anymore. I'm done!" Reid felt self conscious about his legs again. He wrapped his arms tightly around them. Gideon noticed the new behavior and was worried.

"What's up with your legs?" Reid shrugged. The fear on his face was easy to see. "Spencer... can I see your legs please?" It wasn't a question, but Reid refused. "Spencer... now!" Reid was fed up. He got up.

"No! YOU are NOT my boss!" Gideon shook his head.

"No, I'm not... but I know who is." Gideon sat back down. He grabbed a few things from his bag and walked to the bathroom. It struck Reid that he forgot his razor on the sink... still not clean. He knew Gideon would find it. He decided to play the rebellious act again.

Gideon walked out with a sad expression on his face. "Reid! Let me see your legs. Now!" Reid crossed his arms without saying anything. "Reid... don't make me get Hotch over here. You know he's only one phone call away." He didn't move. "Fine... you leave me no choice."

Hotch hurried over to their hotel room. Gideon just said that he needed help with Reid. "What is it?" Hotch looked at Reid, who still hadn't moved.

Gideon walked to the bathroom and showed him the bloody razor. "He won't show me his legs. I knew something was up." Hotch nodded. His expression hadn't changed.

"Reid... now!" He still didn't move. Hotch walked over to him and grabbed his arms. He pinned him to the bed. While he fought Hotch's grip, Gideon pulled Reid's pantlegs up. They were right. Hotch let go of him and in return, got a glare. "That's it... you're off this case... along with a weeks suspension. Other than your case, you won't be working. Also when we get back, I want you to see a therapist. Is that clear?"

"Well, you said you WANTED me to go to a therapist. But you don't always get what you want. I can't have what I want, so why should you?" Hotch thought for a minute.

"Just for that smart ass remark, you're suspended for two weeks... and you will go to therapy, unless you want us to admit you to a mental health facility."

"You have no right. You have no control over that." Reid glared at both of them.

"Yes, I do. I'm a federal agent and if I think you are a danger to someone else or yourself, I have authority to do so. So what is it going to be?" Reid stared in front of him. "Gideon... I'm going to talk to Reid for a minute... alone." Gideon nodded and left the room.

"What the hell do you want..."

"For you to answer my question." He got a glare. "Fine, you leave me no choice... you feel you need to cut yourself to punish yourself. You need to punish yourself so you feel better about your cravings and for even starting all of this. It lessens the guilt. Everytime you feel bad, you feel that you only care about yourself and not other's problems... so you have to make that problem bigger. Lastly, you want attention. All your childhood, you didn't get attention, so you're making up for it with the rebellion you never had." Reid closed his eyes.

"Stop profiling me!" Hotch tried to go on. "You know what? If you won't stop profiling me, I'll profile you... you feel you need to 'help' me in order to feel better since you couldn't help your wife. And since you couldn't be there for your son all the time, you need to be there for me! There, how do you like it." Hotch didn't say anything. He had sadness written all over his face. He left the room without another word.

'Maybe I went a little too far...' Reid thought.

'No you didn't. He was profiling you. He got what he deserved.'

'Still, he didn't bring up my mother... I feel really bad.'

'So... did he feel bad for you?'

Gideon walked in to get his phone he only said one thing before he left. "Good job... he's giving up on you and sending you to a mental health facility. He also said if you try to take off, you're immediately fired." He watched Gideon leave. He felt rage and sadness. He didn't know whether to cry or to punch something, so he did both.

When Gideon got back, he still didn't say anything... so Reid decided he'd get back at him for trying stop him from his drug use. "Hey Gideon, you know what? I think you feel you need to help me because you couldn't be with your son, so you need to pretend I'm your son. Just to make you feel better. You're selfish." Gideon put a hand up.

"You don't need to say anything else because it's not going to help the situation. I suggest you get some sleep. We finished the case and we're leaving first thing tomorrow." Gideon didn't know what triggered his hate. Before, it was just irritation, but now, it was real hate. It broke his heart, but it wasn't true what he'd said. He really did care about Spencer and he didn't feel he needed to make himself feel better. He'd feel better if Spencer got better. He didn't want to have to admit him to a mental health facility, but it had to be done.

/\/\/\

The next morning, Reid wasn't any better. He snapped at Gideon every chance he got. He even threatened to kill himself in front of him, this worried him. He wouldn't have to worry any more once he was admitted, though.

"Spencer... did you sleep alright?" Reid glared at him.

"Yeah, I didn't have you in my nightmares. Guess I just got lucky." Gideon sighed. It was going to be a long day.

"Why are you angry at me?" Reid looked at him increduously.

"Maybe because you tried to change who I am. I-am-a-druggie! There is no changing that, and honestly, I don't want to change it. You stopped me from cutting, my only way to stop the cravings. Really, I don't know what you expect me to do. You and Hotch are threatening to take my job away. And if I don't do exactly what you say, I won't have this job anymore. You or Hotch or anyone else tryin' to push me any further, and I will leave voluntarily and leave you only a note as to why I killed myself. I am this close to it!" Reid held his hands apart; they were so close, they touched from his shakes. "You see... look at my hands, I can't even hold them still if my life depended on it... do you see... do you see I can't do it?" Reid broke down crying.

"Spencer... you can do it." Gideon patted his back, afraid that the contact would only make him angry.

"No... the only way I can stop my body from needing it is cutting or death... you know that. Please, don't stop me. I have to do this. Like Charles said, I should be dead. I don't deserve a life." Gideon shook his head.

"Spencer... Charles is a multiple personality. He's not real. The reason Hotch is making you go see a therapist and admiting you is because he cares about you. You're our youngest... and we have to protect you... we're doing this for your own good. Do you understand me?" Reid nodded and wiped his face.

"I actually can't wait to get this over with. How long do you think I'll be there?"

"Not long... there, you can't do any of the stuff you have been... yanno. It'll be hard, though. But the staff there will help you get through it. I promise I'll come visit everyday."

"Even after what I said? I'm really sorry... I didn't mean it... I just... I'm really sorry." Gideon nodded. His phone rang.

"That was Hotch... he said to get ready to go... and I think you owe him an opology." Reid nodded again. "Okay, get ready to go."

====//====//====//====//====//====//====//====

When it was time for the team to meet, Reid was sweating with fear. He didn't want to look Hotch in the eye. His only hope was for Hotch to forgive him, but he wasn't sure if he was or not. Gideon must have noticed his nervousness because he patted him incouragingly on the shoulder.

"It's alright. He'll forgive you. I know he will." Reid nodded. He suddenly noticed he'd been crying.

They left the hotel room to meet the team. Reid was thankful Hotch hadn't told the team what happened. Hotch didn't even look at him. He could tell it was from anger and disappointment. He would talk to him on the jet, at least he thought.

On the jet, Reid avoided Hotch. He didn't have the guts to talk to him. Gideon gave him a look telling him to do it or else... or else what?

Luckily, he didn't have to talk to Hotch first, Hotch sat across from him. Reid was even more uncomfortable.

"So... how are you doing?" Hotch asked. Reid didn't answer, nor did he look him in the eyes. "Reid... talk to me."

"Hotch... I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean what I said." He said quietly without taking his eyes from the window. He wished he could be free from his curse, to just jump out the window and hope so much, he'd just fly... fly away from the horrible things he experiences everyday.

"I know you didn't. And I'm not sending you to mental health out of anger either. It's not a health facility like the one your mother's at. It's a rehab. facility... for everything... along with self mutilation. There, you will get a sponsor and go to therapy everyday... if not everyday, almost. I'm sending you there because I care and I don't think any of us are strong enough. There was nothing else we could do. "

"I understand. What about my job? When can I go back to work? What about Strauss?" Reid suddenly had a million questions in his head. He didn't know how he'd get away with being gone for months.

"Easy with the questions. Your job is safe... I can't tell you when you can come back. It depends on how long it takes you to get over this. And Strauss will believe anything. I told her you were going on a trip around the country to do lectures on sexual sadists... she'll believe anything. Just trust me... your job is safe."

"Thank you... I'm sorry about all of this."

"It's alright. We all make mistakes and when we do, we need to fix them. We're going to help fix yours." Hotch said standing up.

He sat at the other end of the jet. Gideon sat across from him this time.

"Are you two alright now? Besides, what did happen that made him so mad?" Gideon asked, now realizing he didn't know what started the fight.

"Yeah, we're fine. And we had a profiling war. I guess he was mad because I profiled him after profiling me." Reid shrugged.

"Profiler profiling a profiler... how wierd. The last time we did that was with Morgan." Gideon smiled even though his jokes were lame.

A/N: was this long compared to the rest? IDK, I just ended it at a sorta cliff hanger... what happens at rehab? Give some ideas! And I may be updating less since I have to get a B average this last marking period if i wanna pass 8th grade... so I'll be studying and doing homework. I'll still try to update, as this is as important to me as homework. Bye! 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

A/N: I'm getting plot bunnies for my B-day, from myself... if it's possible. I'll still accept some, though... I love fresh ideas.

Disclaimer: CBS is spoiled. They own Criminal Minds, the best show ever with great actors, which are not mine.

Once they landed, Reid was already shaking again, along with cravings. He knew it was going to be a long day. He went with Hotch and Gideon after they all said their goodbyes for the day. They'd all promised to visit him everyday if they weren't on a case. He was surprised they'd seemed happy to hear he finally decided to go to rehab. They went to his house so he could get clothes and other things he'd need.

"How long do you think I'll be there?'' Hotch shrugged.

"Depends... I'll guess... three months at the least. But if I have to give you an average time... it would be year... year and a half, but that's the average, and you're not average." Reid nodded.

"When it comes to intelligence... when it comes to addiction, I'm as normal as anyone else." Hotch looked at him with a worried expression, along with Gideon. They knew he was right. "I know I'm right. I'll try not to take too long." Reid smiled at them. The whole team would miss his obscure facts and statistics. He would probably have a statistic for how many people eat KFC for dinner every year if you asked him.

"Just take your time. We don't want to rush you. Go at your own pace. No matter how long it takes, we'll never give up trust." Gideon said. He noticed Reid's shaking coming back. "You want me to finish packing for you?" Reid suddenly felt dizzy. He couldn't handle the shakes and cravings colliding anymore. He fell onto the bed and blacked out. The voices calling his name slowly faded, then instantly came back.

"Reid, are you alright?'' Reid rubbed his head. He nodded.

"What happened?"

"You blacked out... I'm going to finish packing for you. Just rest." Reid nodded; just getting his vision back. Gideon looked through the dresser drawers, but he didn't have many clothes, since he hadn't brought many to the cabin. Gideon noticed a vial, but remembered to stay calm. "Spencer, are you ready to get rid of this?" Reid flushed, still trying to focus.

"Yeah, just get rid of it. I don't care for it anymore... right now, the closest thing to a drug to me is coffee, which sounds good right now." Gideon nodded. "I'll go make some..."

"No... no, just sit still. I don't want you to black out again." Reid nodded. "Are you sure you're alright?" He nodded.

"Thanks for your support. I promise not to take as long as average. Right now, if I had the chance to get high, it would be the last thing I'd do. But I do promise, I will never, ever do it again... I've made it far, now, I just want to get the rest of it, the worse, over with right now. I'm going to make it." Gideon gave him a small hug; forgetting Hotch was there.

"You two are like father and son." Reid and Gideon both looked at Hotch with playful anger on their faces. It only made Hotch laugh. "What is it going to be like when you're back above the influence." Reid's face turned red from embarassment.

"I don't know. Just remember before Tobias broke down and cuffed me to a chair... then you'll know." Hotch smiled sadly.

"Not what I mean. Before, you hadn't been exposed to anything addicting, besides coffee, now, you aren't as naive as you were before... so, we don't really know what it's going to be like."

"Would it help if I acted naive again?" Reid joked, knowing it wasn't possible.

They finished packing an hour later after having a drinking game with coffee... of course, Reid won. They left after having a coffee toast to good luck. Reid was happy to get away... to be somewhere it wasn't possible to be exposed to drugs... or sharp objects. Reid knew there would be a lot of people there that would know how he feels, and some that have been addicted, and some sponsors, one, which Reid would get after a certain amount of time.

Gideon and Hotch left him after he was shown around. The staff member, who worked his area, explained everything.

"There are support groups... they meet twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays at 7:00 p.m., then, there is individual therapy. I don't know when you're going to be scheduled yet, but I'll get to you once I know. We also have a recreation area over there... sports, board games, pretty much the place where everyone talks to friends and what not. I'll show you where your room is... your bag is being checked through though, of course you know why." The doctor showed Reid his room. It was a fair size... twin bed, bathroom, dresser, closet... it didn't seem too bad.

"Inpatients here are extremely good people. If they didn't want to get better, they wouldn't be here. We haven't had one argument turn into a fight yet, and this place is well near thirty years old, maybe older. After a week, you will be assigned a sponser who has overcome, or nearly overcome his or her addiction. They will be there for you when you need help. I think I've gone over everything. The rules are pretty obvious. No fighting, no drugs, no knives, no senority, no infadelism... also, you're not allowed anything other than the previous to get high... I know, kinda obvious, but It's manditory to explain all the rules. Once you're settled in, you can go meet some of the others. I hope you recover from your addiction and or behavior iss... what is it anyway, I know I'm not supposed to ask, but if you don't mind...''

"Uh... not at all. Addiction to Dilaudid and problems with self mutilation." The doctor nodded.

''Drug store Heroin... highly addictive. Well, I wish you good luck." Reid nodded.

====\====/====\====/====\====

After a week of yet more withdrawal symptoms, he was assigned a sponsor. The team did visit, like they'd promised. They were all happy to see his progress.

Onother week passed, his withdrawal was dim now. He still had occasional shakes, but nothing too bad. It was mostly the cravings retaliating for the withdrawal not being there. It was gnawing at his insides. His sponsor, Jeffery Williams, was a big help to him. Jeffery helped him keep his mind off it by playing chess. They had the same interests in reading, the love for chess, and almost the same addiction.

"What's your addiction?" Reid asked as he made his next move.

"Heroin... you feeling better?" Reid nodded, then realized that Dilaudid was practically the same thing. "What's yours?"

"Same, pretty much... Dilaudid." Jeffery nodded. "So, how did you decide to go to rehab?"

"Family intervention. You?"

"Well, my mother is in Las Vegas, she's a schizophrenic... I don't talk to my father... my co-workers, basically my only family, got it through my thick skull to go after deliberately overdosing twice in two weeks. I just couldn't take it anymore." He looked shocked.

"Two times? In one month?" Reid nodded sadly. "My family lives far away, so I can't see them when I get out. I wish they could see me in person. They call, but they can't visit. So, two times?"

"I'm never doing it again..."

"Me either..."

They both talked for hours, until it was time to eat, then they talked more. It was time to go to sleep.

"Goodnight..." Reid said as he headed towards his room. Jeffery walked to his room and waved a goodbye to him as well. They both went to bed.

Two weeks later, the whole team stopped by for a visit as a whole. It made him happy to see them.

"Wow, kid... you look great. You look really happy." Morgan said as they walked up to him.

"I am happy... almost over. Oh, uh, this is Jeffery... he's my sponsor... Jeffery, this is my ENTIRE family. Told you it wasn't big. He introduced all of them. Once he got to Garcia...

"Are you keeping my genius outta trouble?" Garcia said with a joking, questioning look.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure... he seems alright to me. He doesn't look like death anymore." Reid shot him a playful glare. Everyone laughed.

"Jeffery, when are you supposed to be getting out of here?" Reid never asked the question before, but it just crossed his mind.

"Uhhh... I think in two months... I'm not sure." Reid looked at the team.

"I'll be leaving in a month and a half..." He said to the rest of the team. "Are you joining NA when you're out?" Jeffery nodded. "I will be..."

The team stayed from morning to night. They left.

For the next month and a half, Jeffery and Reid went through there daily routine of therapy and meetings. They knew each other well and became good friends. Once the day came that Reid would be leaving, he did something that made Jeffery happy since he'd be there for a month by himself.

"I'll visit everyday I can if I'm not out on a case for work... I promise. And when you're out, we can still hang out and stuff. I really appreciate all the support. I wouldn't have made it without you..." Reid said as he was getting ready to leave.

"Thanks, Spencer. I look forward to hanging out with you after all this is over." Reid nodded and gave him a big hug before leaving.

It was only Gideon and Reid in the car.

"Spencer... there's only one thing else there is left to do.'' Reid gave a questioning look. "Remember before you moved in with me? You promised you'd walk back into your apartment again when you were clean. Now's the time to do it. Then, it'll all be over.

Once they got there, Reid was the first to walk in. He turned the light on.

"SURPRISE!!!!!" Everybody of the team yelled. they had balloons everywhere and a big cake that said 'Welcome home, Spencer!'. Reid didn't notice the tears coming down his face. He loved his family.

"Wow... thank you. Oh my gosh." Reid was speechless.

"Congrats! You finally did it." Hotch said. They all gathered for a hug, even Hotch.

"My genius did it! Now, they didn't give you any cake, did they?" Reid shook his head laughing, while the tears were rolling down his cheeks. Garcia handed him a big corner piece with ice-cream.

"Thank you... all of you... but I couldn't have done it without you... or Jeffery. He's getting out in just over two weeks and I want to give him a surprise too. Do you think you could help me?"

"Of course we can, kid. What do you want to do?"

"I think someone wants to see him as much as he wants to see them." They all had a confused look. Reid took another bite of his cake; getting ready to explain his plan.

A/N: well, there it is. FINISHED. I may make a sequal for the surprise and the coping and friendship afterwards (no slash). I will if I get enough people wanting to see one. Hope you enjoyed this short story. I hoped it would have been longer, but, IDK. 


	17. Chapter 17:originalrehabscenes

Chapter one: Knowing he knows

Spencer Reid is walking down an alley dodging people. Making sure nobody recognized him because he knew if he was caught doing what he's doing, he'd be in a world of trouble. He walked up to a very scrawny man with a goatee and eyes that looked asleep.

"Did you bring what I told you to bring?" Reid asked nervously.  
"yeah, got it right here." the man said.  
"What's the price?"  
"that'd be $50."

Reid paid the man and took off quickly with what he had bought, Dilaudid.

BAU:

Reid is sitting, obviously drugged. Morgan sitting quietly for a change. Garcia playing on her laptop. The rest of the team were getting coffee, except for Hotch.

"Reid, we're going to interview an inmate on death row accused of stabbing a guard with a shank." Hotch said fixed on reid whose eyes were avoiding his.

Reid got up not saying a word. His eyes fixed on his shoes, a pale face.

They are in an SUV. They took back roads because of a pile up on the highway. There weren't any other cars around. Suddenly, the car stops off to the side of the road.

"Why are we stopping?" Reid questioned but knew what was coming.

"Reid...enough is enough." Hotch said as if he was tired.

"What are you talking about?"

"Reid, I'm not dumb, you need to stop using drugs."

"What? What would make you think I'm on drugs?"

"I know, your not hard to profile. Give them to me...now!"

Reid hesitated at first not knowing what to do. After a few moments, he reached into his bag and takes out the dilaudid. Hotch pulls them out of his hands and examines it. Reid just staring blankly towards his shoes.

"This is unacceptable, Reid."

The car drives off.... About fifteen minutes without saying anything, the car pulls up to a very large building with a sign in the front saying: Rehab. center for addicts, mentall illness, etc.

"Why are we here?" Reid asked nervously as if his heart were beating a million times a second.

Hotch doesn't answer but gets out and motions for Reid to get out. Reid gets out hesitintally. As they walk in the building, they approach a desk with a lady sitting there.

"Name please." The lady said without looking up.

"Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid."

"Okay, right in time for your appointment. Room 212, down that hall right there." She pointed without looking up.

Hotch walks down the hall and Reid, hesitating follows. As they enter a room, Reid notices the room is blank with only a few office chairs and a small desk. As he is looking around, he notices a women there. She stands up and shakes their hand.

"Hi... Aaron Hotchner and..." hotch said sincerely.

"You must be Spencer Reid." The lady interupted. "Very nice to meet you.  
Looks like your right on time for your appointment."

"Appointment?"

"Reid, This is your rehabilitation Therapist." Hotch said eyeing him carefully.

"Rehab. therapist?! Your not serious, are you!?"

"Hold on, may I have a second to talk to Reid alone?" Hotch asked politely.

"Okay, take your time."

The lady left the room.

"Hotch...what the...what are you doing?!"

"I'm making sure you stop using drugs. You're going to see a therapist four times a week." Hotch said demanding.

"And if I don't?"

"I will report you to Strauss. You don't want that. You'd be fired."

Reid didn't know what to say next.

"I'm going to get some air." He finally found something to say.

Reid walked outside and looked around him. There was nobody outside. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some dilaudid and a syringe.  
Hotch walked outside and saw him taking drugs and he ran up to Reid and snatched the dilaudid out of his hands. Hotch told Reid to put his hands up so he could check Reid for more drugs. Hotch pulled out more drugs and put them in his pocket.

"What are you thinking?!" Hotch asked angrily.

Reid didn't answer, he just sat down on the ground and looked away. Hotch sat down next to him.

"Reid...I'm making a choice that'd probably be for the best."

Reid looked up.

"What are you talking about." Reid asked looking away.

"I'm putting you under my 24/7 supervision."

"What, you can't do that to me!"

"I can report you to Strauss if you'd like?"

"Like you said, if Strauss finds out, I'd be fired!"

"I'm guessing your going to go with option two?" Hotch asked.

"I don't really have a choice do I?" Reid said hastley.

"We'd better get inside."

"Dr. Reid... We have someone who wants to talk to you." The therapist said.

Reid looked at her confused. He thought: who is she talking about. The door opened. It was diana Reid, his mother.

"Mom, wh-what are you doing here?" He asked surprised and nervously.

"A better question is: Why would you have to be here?" She asked sad.

"Mom...I...I'm sorry...but...you just don't know why." Reid said gazing into her eyes.

"Aaron Hotchner told me everything...even about Toobias Hunkel was it?"

"Tobias Henkle." Hotch replied.

"I know times like that are hard afterward, but you have the rest of the team, you could've gone to a meeting, something other than this." diana said nearly crying.

Reid didn't answer. He just stared at the floor hoping it was just a horrible nightmare that would end soon, but even he knew he was in some big trouble.

"Spencer, you know that I love you and hope you get better. I hope you will feel that you don't need drugs everytime you feel sad or sick. I have to go, but until you get better, I will stay here, in Quantico." Diana said sympathetcally.

Hotch and Reid are leaving.

"Hotch...is this really happening?" Reid asked

"It depends...are you really on drugs?" hotch replied.

Chapter two: The team knows

On the way back, they both were thinking of different things and making jokes.

"Hotch...Does Morgan, JJ, and the rest of the team know?"

"They do. They're the ones who thought of taking you to a therapist."

"figures Morgan would do that to me!"

"Reid, JJ thought it was a good idea...besides, your the one doing drugs. I was going to report you but Morgan told me not to and that he doesn't want you to get fired." Hotch told Reid not looking away from the road.

Reid gazed out the window hoping this nightmare would soon be over, that none of it was real.

"Hotch, why don't you just fire me? Why are you going to try to help me?"  
Reid asked curiously.

"Because you're an excellent profiler and the BAU needs you...on the other hand, you can't do your job as good when you're on drugs." Hotch said sincerely.

Reid smiled, then looked back out the window.

Back at the BAU

"Hey, pretty-boy. How'd it go?" Morgan asked smiling.

"Well, my mom's pretty upset, I have to deal with hotch up my back for who knows how long...and I just want this to end soon. Reid said annoyed.

"Well, at least your not fired, right?"

"Yeah, thanks." Reid replied.

"Thanks for what?"

"Hotch told me you were the one that didn't want me fired." Reid said.

"That was supposed to be a secret! I feel sorry for you." Morgan said sympathetically.

"For what?" Reid asked.

"For having to deal with Hotch 24/7." Morgan joked.

"Shut up!" Reid joked along. "Don't remind me!"

Day coming to end:

"Reid, time to go." Hotch said.

"Okay, just a minute."

At Hotch's house:

"Okay, Reid, you can go ahead and go to bed, or shower or whatever. Just don't let me catch you doing drugs!" Hotch said like he meant it.

"C'mon Hotch, trust me for a change!" Reid said in a whine voice.

"I mean it Reid!" Hotch replied.

As soon as Hotch went to bed, Reid carefully tiptoed to the bathroom. He reached into his pocket and took out dilaudid he'd hid in his shoe. He accidentally bumped into something and knocked things off a shelf. It wasn't long before hotch got in the bathroom and saw him with the dilaudid.

"Reid, I told you not to, and what's the first thing you do? Do you have any more?" Hotch asked angrily while checking his pockets and shoes.

Hotch concluded Reid didn't have anymore ON HIM, so he checked his bags, but didn't find anything.

"Reid, it's hard to help somebody who doesn't let anyone help them. Do you want help?" Hotch asked eyeing Reid, who was stairing at the floor.  
He didn't answer.

"Get some sleep. If I catch you with drugs again, you will be suspended for two weeks. Am I clear?" Hotch asked.

"Yes sir." Reid spoke in a whisper while he was still stairing at the ground.

Next morning:

Hotch wakes up to Reid in the same spot since last night, still looking at the ground.

"Reid, were you up all night? Reid...Reid!"

"Huh...what?"

"Were you up all night?"

"I couldn't sleep." Reid said still looking at the ground.

"Why?" Hotch asked having a clue.

"I don't really know...but every once in a while, I'll get a feeling...a feeling that my body's telling me to take drugs."

"You're having cravings. It's because you haven't been taking any drugs...that's a good sign."

"I don't like it. I just want it to stop."

"It will stop...as soon as you get over your drug addiction. But you can't do that if you keep doing drugs." Hotch said.

"We better go or we'll be late." Reid said changing the subject.

Chapter three: flash from the past

At the BAU:

"Hotch, we have a case, it's a bad one so I'll brief the team on the jet." JJ said.

"Okay, wheels up in ten." Hotch said.

On the jet:

"Okay, this UnSub is strangling people and leaving messages on their backs asking for help. He is choosing victims randomly. They've had similar cases a while ago, but then, the murders stopped. The last similar murder was around the time of the thing with Tobias Hankle..."

"Do you have to bring that up JJ?" Reid said annoyed.

Wait, did I miss something?" Rossi asked.

"It was a case that we had before you came back. Tobias had dissociative identity disorder. He was himself, Tobias, Raphael, An archangel, And his father, Charles. Tobias was on a witness list because he needed to know how long it took the police to get to a crime scene after a 911 call. But the rest of us didn't know that, I sent JJ and Reid to ask him a few questions. When they got there, they soon figured out he was the UnSub. Reid followed him into a corn field. Tobias knocked him out and took him to South Bend, Georgia. Reid was tortured and drugged for two days straight. Tobias beat Reid to the edge of death. We found him because of the clues he gave us. Tobias sent us live feed of what was happening." Hotch explained.

"Why do you have to bring up the worst part of my life!?" Reid said angrily. "Reid-" Hotch started.

Reid got up and walked to the other end of the jet and sat down facing the other way and looked out the window.

"What's the matter with him?" Rossi asked.

"First, he's going through withdrawl, he's gonna be having some mood swings here and there. Second, that was a bad time of his life, after we found him, he was addicted to dilaudid for a while. Making him relive it is worse than when it really happened because before, the drugs made him forget, this time, he can't forget." Hotch explained.

"Oh, I see." Rossi said looking in Reid's direction.

"Did anything new happen last night?" Morgan asked curiously.

"Nothing big, just caught him in the bathroom trying to do drugs."Hotch said.

"Really!? What'd you do?" Morgan asked.

"I Checked him for any other drugs, then went back to bed, when I woke up, Reid was in the same spot as he was last night...sitting down, stairing at the ground."

"You think he's gonna be alright, Hotch?" JJ asked.

"It depends on if he keeps doing drugs or not." Hotch said.

After the case is over:

"Good work everybody, go home get some rest." Hotch said smiling for once.

Reid had barely talked during the entire case.

At Hotch's house:

"Are you going to sleep tonight, Reid?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Reid answered without making eye contact.

"Well, Goodnight then." Hotch said as he walked into his room.

Hotch couldn't sleep. He had a feeling something was wrong with Reid. He walked into the living room and saw Reid lying on the floor not breathing. He called 911 and did CPR.

Hospital:

"Is he alright?" JJ asked Hotch.

"The doctors said he should be waking up soon." Hotch answered.

"What did he do?" Morgan asked.

"He overdosed himself...he tried to KILL himself!" Hotch said almost crying.

"Dr. Reid is awake. You can see him now." A doctor said.

Hotch and Morgan walked in Reid's hospital room.

"Hey, kid, how ya feelin'?" Morgan asked.

Reid didn't answer. He stared at the ceiling. His face was more pale than ever, his eyes deadlike, his body almost looked paralized.  
Hotch sat by his bed.

"Why did you do it?" Hotch asked sympathetically.

There was a long moment of silence.

"...Because I-I couldn't stop." Reid answered then caught his breath.

"You couldn't stop what?" Hotch asked.

"My-my add-iction, I couldn't stop...I'm all alone." Reid was crying.

"Morgan, I need to talk to Reid alone for a minute." Hotch said quickly.

"'Kay, take all the time you need." Morgan said as he left.

"Reid, obviously 24/7 supervision from me is not enough. I'm going to have you stay at a mental hospital until you get better." Hotch said surely.

"Wait, what, you wouldn't do that to me!" Reid was surprised.

"I'll have you scheduled for therapy six days a week." Hotch decided.

"Hotch, you can't do that to me!" Reid screamed.

"Well I'm certainly not going to let you come right back to work to let you try to kill yourself again." Hotch exclaimed.

"You should've let me die!" Reid was almost yelling.

====\====/====\====/==== Chapter five: Attacks

After therapy at Hotch's house:

"Reid, are you alright?'

Reid was shaking.

"Hotch, I need narcotics...Please!" Reid was sweating.

"Reid, I can't do that. You know that. Calm down, Reid."

"No, I need narcotics, please!" Reid was very angry.

"No, Reid, what you need is to calm down, now!"

Reid jumped at hotch, but Hotch pinned him down easily.

"Get off me!"

"Not until you calm down!" Hotch was yelling.

Reid started crying and Hotch grabbed Reid in his arms and tried to calm him down.

"Reid, tomorrow you're having a drug test." Hotch said.

"You don't actually think..." Reid started.

"I don't know what's going on with you, besides that, you haven't had one in a few weeks." Hotch said thinking that what he'd just said would lead to a fight.

"You think I have drugs. Fine, if you can't trust me, either send me back to that crazy hospital or fire me and let me go home!" Reid was really angry.

"Reid, why don't you go into your room and cool down." Hotch said calmly.

"Now you're treating me like a kid?!"

"If you're going to act like one, I'm going to treat you like one!" Hotch said pointing to Reid's room.

Reid slammed his door. Hotch went back to bed.  
Hotch woke up and Reid was still in his room. He knocked on Reid's door, but he didn't answer. Hotch walked in and Reid was on his bed just sitting there, staring away from Hotch.

"Looks like you're clean, I'm surprised!" Hotch said to Reid who was very angry.

"You're surprised?! Did you think I was on drugs? I've been clean for almost two months now!" Reid was almost yelling.

"Reid, please calm down." Hotch demanded.

"You're surprised?!" Reid was steaming.

"Well, with the way you acted the other day, yes I thought you were on drugs."

"I can't believe this!" Reid looked as if he was going to tear the house into a bunch of pieces.

"Calm down! I'm not going to tell you again, Reid."

"Or else what?!" Reid asked.

"Go cool off Reid, now!" Hotch demanded.

"I'm leaving for a while." Reid walked away.

"Be back by five." Hotch said calmly.

"I don't have to listen to you, Hotch." Reid said.

"I don't have to let you leave, you know." Hotch reminded him.

"Watcha gonna do Hotch? Ground me?" Reid asked.

"That could be arranged." Hotch said.

"I am not a kid, Hotch, I'm an adult." Reid said.

"Then act like it." Hotch dared.

"Me?! How about you!" Reid was yelling.

"Fine, I'm not letting you leave without somebody with you for a week!" Hotch said.

"This isn't happening!" Reid yelled.

"Go calm down in your room if your going to vent by yelling please." Hotch said in a provoking tone.

"Hotch...Hotch...help!!!!!!!!" Reid yelled.

"What is it Reid?" Hotch asked with a big yawn.

"My nightmare came back." Reid was breathing heavily.

"Hotch...I need them! I really do need them. Just this once...please!" Reid said in the most serious tone.

"Reid, you know that's not the right thing to do." Hotch said slowly approaching him.

"Stay away from me! Stay back!" Reid yelled.

"Reid, calm down please."

Reid grabbed the gun on the table in the living room and pointed it at Hotch.

"Put the gun down...don't do it, Reid."

Reid pointed the gun at his head.

"Okay Reid, I'm going to get them, just put the gun down."

Reid put the gun down and started crying. Hotch quickly grabbed the gun. He sat next to Reid and hugged him. A few minutes later when Reid had finally calmed down, Hotch guided him into his bed. 


End file.
